lina_musebox

;poe

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Poe was curious, if concerned, when Finn started. But then he continued, and Poe’s entire being seemed to harden. Draw in on itself. By the time Finn finished he was drawing in tight, furious breaths, openly glaring at him.

“No.”

He snapped it as he stood up so fast that he knocked the chair over. “What the hell, Finn? What kind of kriffing joke is that?”

His face flinched when Poe snapped, eyes closing and a grimace forming, but he otherwise made no movement. "It's not a joke."

Maybe it'd be best if Poe didn't believe him. And why would he? It sounded impossible, especially coming from a guy he basically just met. A guy that had been in the First Order just a day ago, according to him.

“It was three days.” His voice was rising dangerously high, and he was taking another step back. And then another.

“You said we found him. You said—“ Oh. He was breathing really fast. Too fast.

“That makes no fucking sense, Finn, that’s ridiculous. Twenty—“

He nearly tripped over the toppled chair and cursed, violently.

He looked up again when Poe hit the chair again, realizing the panic a second too late. Poe believed him. He didn't want to but he did for some reason. At least, for right now.

"Poe, breathe," he tried to command, slowly rising from his place, not wanting to startle him more. "Listen, just slow down. Please. It-" It's not okay. It's not going to be okay. He can't calm down. What the hell was Finn supposed to say or do other than gently stepping towards him?

He felt sick.

It was impossible, what Finn was trying to tell him. He wanted to scream that he was lying. But he’d seen the video of himself. He’s the best man I’ve ever known. Not like you don’t know that already, but. We were right about him.

It sure as hell doesn’t feel right now.

He can’t even remember everything Finn said, a moment ago. It was too much and it blurred together too fast, as those lips he’d been so eagerly kissing the night before told him that nearly everyone he loved was dead.

“You could have led with that,” he snapped, irrationally hurt by it, suddenly. He was still breathing too fast and backing up. Door. He needed the door, and he needed air, and he needed Finn to laugh and say it was all a bad joke.

But he didn’t think it was.

It explained too many things.

“Instead of just—“ he didn’t finish his question, his breathing too hard as he finally just turned, full attention now on finding the door.

Finn did nothing when Poe turned away aside from taking half a step forward. But then Poe was gone and Finn didn't have the strength or conviction to follow. He couldn't after what he'd just said.

Instead of just... what? Taking advantage? Lying?

He stayed still for a moment, half expecting Poe to burst back in but it became clear that wasn't happening. Finn picked up the chair, cleared their dishes, pretended there were no tears in his eyes, and left the kitchen to continue on a path of half-ass normalcy.

Showered, dressed, and still thinking of Poe, he couldn't take just sitting around anymore. His intention was to do nothing, to let Poe do whatever or go wherever he needed without Finn trying to chase him down. He needed space, right? But the longer it went on, the more worried Finn was.

So he left Base One, intending to start his search in the trees surrounding the base before moving on to the city, trying to keep this systematic so he wouldn't have to think about what to do once he found him.

He wasn't far.

Without his flight power and with no working vehicle, Poe had only his feet to propel him. So Finn would eventually find him, sitting at the side of the road, under alien trees, his knees pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his arms.

Once Finn found him, he stayed back several feet and just watched, clearly there, out in the open. He didn't know what to say or if there was anything to say. Apologies needed to be made, blame placed on whose fault a majority of that was, but Poe didn't look like he wanted to hear it.

He'd done this too fast. Was there an easier way, though?

After a long moment, he walked forward, rocks and twigs and leaves crunching beneath his feet on approach. Once close enough, if Poe allowed him to get close enough, he knelt down beside him and just waited.

Poe didn't move, though he did still a little, making it clear that he heard the approach and did nothing about it.

He didn't say anything at first, everything a jumbled wreck inside his head. He didn't want to believe any of it. Not a single word.

But he did.

He took a slow breath, pulling deep.

"... Just the Falcon?" He finally asked, his voice rough.

Just the Falcon... After this morning, that wasn't something he really wanted to confirm, but no one had responded to them. No one that he had seen, anyway. Maybe Leia knew more, she must.

"You said Black Squadron made it," he reminded Poe after a beat of silence. "So there are some X-Wings... Maybe others are on missions, too. And the General looked like she had a plan. She was taking us somewhere..."

But it was just the Falcon. The entire Resistance all in the Falcon with plenty of room to spare.

"Black Squadron made it." He repeated it to himself like a life line, holding tight. But it just tasted like ash in his mouth a moment later.

He put his face in his hands and held back the tears. He wasn't going to let Finn see him cry.

Instead, he mumbled through his fingers:

"... Sorry, Finn, I just... I don't understand how this could have happened. In three days."

Finn... relaxed. He sat down fully next to Poe and looked out to the road, wondering if he leave again. Poe was trying to be strong in front of him, pointlessly, but it was the reminder that Poe didn't really know him at all. This would drive them further apart, no doubt.

That wasn't as hurtful of a thought as Poe going through this again was. He'd have to live it again.

"I don't either." It was too much too fast. Finn would claim he hadn't slept during the whole thing if it weren't for the short coma Kylo Ren had put him into. "But it did, and we're still alive to fight. Counts for something."

It was almost too big to fully wrap his head around, if he couldn't picture the falcon. If he couldn't picture exactly how many people could possibly fit inside it.

Not enough. Not nearly enough.

He swallowed thickly, then forced himself to breath out.

"I just - I need to get home. Maybe if I can get home, I can stop it."

Finn had paused again, trying to find a way to put this gently. He'd failed before at that and would probably just keep failing. How many times could he let Poe down, really?

"We can't control the porter. The people who built it can't control it. Nothing can. This isn't the first time you wanted to go home, trust me. Even destroying it would just strand everyone here.

"Even when you do go back, you won't remember this. Even if you did, there was nothing you could have done. You did what you had to, what you thought was right. I-..."

He let out a silent breath and thought about how to word this, even sparing a fraction of a second wondering if he should say it at all. "I went on a mission that would have prevented most of it but I failed. It was my plan, my mistakes. The First Order captured my team and someone I knew I shouldn't have trusted ratted us out. That's how the Order knew where the Resistance was going, how they managed to pick off the unarmed evacuation shuttles, and why Luke Skywalker died to fix my mistake.

"You can't stop it, Poe. You had nothing to do with it."

Poe turned his head to look at Finn, his expression hard.

“No offense, Finn, but you could not single handedly bring down the Resistance even if you tried. And if I was alive for it, there’s no way I was just sitting on my ass doing nothing. Why are you trying to tell me you’re the reason almost everyone I care about is dead? It’s a load of bantha shit. And I know it is, because if it actually was your fault, there’s no way I would have stayed with you at all.”

Finn looked up at the tree line across the road, the closest he was going to get to rolling his eyes. "You refused to blame me. You wouldn't even hear of it. By that point, your X-Wing was destroyed, the fleet gone, and the General was in medical. Command wouldn't even listen to you, which is why we went rogue and you followed my plan from the inside. I couldn't even stop the battering ram cannon before-"

He stopped there and just pinched at the bridge of his nose, the image of Rose battered and bruised and calling him a dummy swimming to the forefront of his mind. This, whatever he was doing, wasn't helping.

"You can't go home when and how you want - even if you could, there's nothing you could do - but nearly everyone responsible is here. That's all this planet can give you."

“So you’re not an powerful Jedi mastermind,” Poe said flatly. It sounds like I refused to blame you because it would be ridiculous to call it your fault. You’re right that the people responsible are here - but that’s not you.”

His expression still hard, he glanced back to the trees. “Right. So I’m back to payback, then.”

He hadn't meant it to come off like that. Finn buried his face in his hands, too, trying to think and coming up with nothing. He couldn't help with this.

"Payback means going to prison for years over people who'll be back to their parties and loved ones by the weekend." Even if the idea wasn't murder, the outcome would remain the same. That's why he had tried to make Poe see how the blame fell on him, but that wasn't going to happen. Not in Poe's eyes. If the Resistance ever got enough people again, maybe the General-...

That didn't matter right now.

Poe let out a hard breath through his nose, quick and sharp, and then slammed a fist into the gravel. It hurt. Ow. Probably going to bleed. But it was satisfying.

"I don't know what to do with this," He said, the emotion thick in his voice. "I need to do something but what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Not hurt yourself," Finn suggested, taking his hand to heal it. He knew that feeling pain could be satisfying, could help even, but he wasn't going to let Poe get started on this path so soon. Not with him there.

So he held his hand tight, the scuffs easing away. Finn hardly even felt the pain in his own hand. "You're supposed to live. You're supposed to be happy so you can honor your friend's memories while pissing off your enemies. It's not easy, but that's what we're here to do."

He knew it wasn't enough for Poe. Earth never really would be. There was a point where he just had to let Poe make his own choices, carry out his own mistakes in that need to do something. Didn't mean he was going to do it alone. But if they could avoid that-

He let Finn take his hand, using the other to cover his eyes, pinching tight until he could see white sparks burst across his vision.

He wasn't going to let Finn see him cry. He wasn't. He wasn't.

But the first sob tore through his chest against his own volition, and the second followed quickly after, until Poe was jus gripping his own face and shaking as he tried to bite them back.

The anger sapped out of Finn instantly, his shoulders falling with his heart. Out of every way he expected this conversation to go, this wasn't one of them. It was worse, though. Worse than getting screamed at, far worse than joining Poe on a senseless revenge quest. Worse than every outcome Finn could have thought of, and he'd caused it. Or, at least, hadn't prevented it.

Realizing how terrible he was with words, Finn reached out to splay his free hand over Poe's back, pausing just long enough to see if he was going to be pushed away. If it didn't come, he moved closer, wrapping Poe in an all-encompassing hug and holding him to his chest, other hand still gripped tight.

There was so little he could do for him. It just made his heart shatter more.

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;poe

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