lina_musebox

;poe

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Night had slowly fallen over the jungle but the celebration didn't end. Finn had been practically trembling in excitement and disbelief that this was all finally over. The war was over.

He'd never lived in a time where he wasn't part of a war.

But no, his mind continued on without him as the party raged on. There would be loose ends to tie up. Much like the Empire, the First (or Final) Order wouldn't go out so quickly and easily. There would still be loyalists or just others with the same ideals eager to make a grab in the vacuum of power. The war wasn't really over. Or maybe it was just easier to think that than to try and imagine what came next. Not better but easier.

Tonight wasn't for dark thoughts about war, though, or it shouldn't be. There was mourning to be had, yes, but a victory to celebrate, too. He had stepped away to watch the celebration from a nearby hill, private and dark but still open, almost enough to claim he hadn't really left the party already. He was just trying to process. Rey, Poe, and Rose were alive and the war was... over.

He'd barely seen Rose, who mingled with everyone else almost seamlessly. Rey, who had many admirers now, walked through the crowd in fits and starts since people were pulling her towards them at every other step. Finn would probably save her later. And Poe-... Poe was certainly mingling, notching up his charm as high as it would go and flashing that smile at nearly anyone who would look at him. Finn knew what he was doing and, even if he was frowning about it, he could hardly blame his friend for not wanting to be alone tonight.

Though, right now, he couldn't find Poe's curly hair in the sea of people. Finn just sighed, relaxing against a tree, and watched as Rey tried yet again to awkwardly stumble through accepting more praise.

The war was over.

Poe could scarcely believe it, but he wasn’t letting himself even think about it. They hadn’t come out unscathed. He kept looking for Snap in the crowd and then remembering that his friend had gone up in a fireball, not even getting a chance to know that people had come. That the galaxy hadn’t given up. It didn’t damper his spirits, exactly - he was still suffused with a weird giddiness that meant he could barely stop moving - but it did mean he had no interest in stopping long enough to think.

He’d been spending the whole night trying to find someone to go home with. It shouldn’t have been this hard, really. He knew he was a good-looking guy. He knew there were plenty of other people who were looking for a way to end the night wrapped in someone’s arms. It didn’t matter who. Just someone.

If you couldn’t be with the person you wanted, what was the point of pining and making yourself miserable instead?

Only apparently that was what he was doing tonight. The party was winding down, Poe was still date-less, and Finn was watching Rey from a tree and reminding Poe of everything he really didn’t want to think about right now. His friend deserved his happiness, and Rey—

He was just going to have to accept Rey as the person Finn loved. That was it. That was all it was.

He caught himself staring, and then caught himself moving, walking in a brisk line towards Finn through the crowd.

“So what exactly have you never told her?” He asked, the words once more coming out more annoyed than he intended. Cool. Great. So much for accepting, Poe.

Finn cut his eyes over to Poe, the other man almost startling him for almost appearing out of nowhere. Maybe he should have been looking a little closer for him.

But even though Finn kinda didn't want to have this conversation, the edges of his lips ticked up in a little smile. "You still on that?" Hard to be annoyed at anything right now, really. "I think even Rey forgot about it by now, man. Why's it bother you so much?"

Secrets, Finn figured. Just keeping things from Poe. Finn did feel guilty about that regarding both him and Rey on multiple levels.

"It doesn't bother me." It definitely bothered him. He wasn't even able to sell the lie well.

He shrugged and leaned up against the tree, rubbing a little absently at the wound on his arm.

"She definitely hasn't forgotten, Finn, she's just been a little busy. I'm just saying. Last minute death confessions aren't exactly a small deal, right? So come on, spill."

"You've been busy, yet this is the second time you've brought it up since," he answered, trying to deflect.

It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Poe. He knew he couldn't hide it forever. Then again, the future was so very uncertain, and they could not remain as close as they are now, but those were more depressing thoughts for another time. The point was, if they're friendship kept up (and Finn very much hoped that it did), he wouldn't be able to hide it.

It was Poe's reaction that he dreaded.

Finn pushed off of the tree and glanced again to his friend's arm. "You didn't hurt it more up there, did you?"

"I haven't been fighting an undead zombie emperor," Poe hit back mildly. "You were fine telling her while I was there and you thought we were dying - what's the difference in telling me now?"

He glanced down at his arm, frowning at it, and nudging it a little.

"... No. I'm fine. Just haven't had a chance to get any real bacta on it."

He really wasn't going to let this go, was he? Finn could snap at him maybe, make him back off, but that wouldn't be right. He didn't really want to, anyway. Instead, he shrugged. "I mean she isn't here and we aren't dying. Lots of differences.

"Let's grab some bacta before it gets any worse, General." That was meant to be another deflection as he tugged on Poe's good arm, leading them in the general direction of the medical supplies and further away from the party.

But it wasn't even good enough for Finn. He didn't want Poe to end up hurt over secret-keeping. It wasn't fair. "Why do you care so much, anyway?"

"You did say you'd tell me later," He pointed out in a low mutter. Sure, only because he'd been badgering Finn about it at the time, but.

He let Finn tug him along, not even bothering to pull his arm out of Finn's grasp.

"I don't care," he lied again, and again it was painfully obvious that it was a lie. It was so bad that he felt like he needed to follow it up quickly. "I just don't get why you haven't already told her," he deflected instead. "We all already know, right? I just want to hear you say it."

Finn had just reached the medical side of camp and was reaching for bacta when Poe dropped that bombshell on him. He turned back to him, eyes wide. "You know?"

No. He couldn't know. How would he know? Finn squinted at him. "What do you know?"

Whether Poe knew or not, the rest wasn't really wrong. He should have told Rey a long time ago, maybe saved a lot of headaches recently. Screw it. Finn grimaced, shook his head, and reached for the bacta like he didn't want the answers after all. "Look, it's just-... I've kept it to myself for so long and I keep doubting if I should say anything at this point- By the time I knew, it just seemed like it was too late to tell anyone.

"Give me your arm."

"Seriously?" Poe asked, his tone annoyed, but he obediently held his arm out for Finn anyway.

"Anyone with eyes can see it, Finn. Hell, I figured it out during our assault on starkiller. What possible benefit is there in hiding it? It's not like she's going to turn you away."

He looked up at Poe through his lashes, still unsure if Poe knew. But that was almost possible considering what Finn had done on Starkiller. Though, there were some benefits to hiding his secret and precious little to be had by letting it out.

He turned his attention back to the wound, starting to dress it. Even though Finn was annoyed, his touch was gentle.

"She might," Finn muttered, sounding genuinely regretful. "I haven't exactly been supportive of her lately." He still wished that she had listened to him but also wished that he had listened more to her. If she knew, it could cause a rift between them. He could barely stand the thought.

"You're an idiot," He said bluntly. He meant it in the most loving way possible, but that didn't mean he felt it was any less true.

"You've been spending almost every waking moment trying to help her. You nearly got yourself drowned or smashed or who knows what else by going after her. If she doesn't think you've been supportive, then she's an idiot, and I'm pretty sure she's not. So just tell her, already." He frowned down at his arm.

"Put the rest of us out of our misery," he added with a mutter.

Edited 2019-12-20 20:24 (UTC)

Initially, Finn looked up at him in shock, but his facade softened as Poe continued. He did have a point. At least Finn had tried his best to be there for her, even if he never outright told her the truth.

Besides, just like Poe, she was going to find out anyway. Better for him to tell her than Rey discovering it on her own. "Thank you." It was quiet and spoken down at Poe's wound but it was as sincere as his heart felt right now. "You're right. I need to tell her. Soon."

He finished the bandage and looked up at Poe again, one thing still bugging him. "I didn't even know at Starkiller. How did you?"

Poe was very carefully steeling his face. He'd been hoping for a denial, really, to be told that he was stupid and seeing things. But he wasn't. Having it confirmed hurt a lot more than he expected it to.

Come on, Poe. You've known this forever. Why let it hurt you now?

"You dragged me and the entire resistance to go save her," He said, his voice a little clipped. He pulled his arm back and poked at the bandage, not willing to look at Finn. "It was pretty obvious, Finn."

Finn frowned for two reasons. First, he didn't see how that really proved anything. Second-... Why was Poe so hurt suddenly? What had he said?

He went with the first problem, shaking his head again but in misunderstanding this time. "We had no choice. Yeah, I... mostly went there to get Rey because I didn't believe at the time that we had a hope in hell of... doing exactly what we did today. But we had to stop Starkiller. There wasn't a choice. It was the only decision."

The Force certainly didn't tell him to stop the planet-destroying weapon. He could figure that out on his own, thanks.

Edited 2019-12-20 21:56 (UTC)

"That's not what I mean and you know it," He said a little tightly, and then immediately kicked himself. Fucking moron. He let out a hard breath and a sigh.

"Just don't worry about it, okay? Just tell her. Let me know when I can throw confetti at you," he added, unable to help it sounding like a barb, before he turned abruptly away. Cool, Poe, really great, can't keep your cool about this for two fucking seconds. He needed to escape, and fast.

That hurt. Poe's pain hurt. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of.

He reached for Poe's good arm, not even certain his friend wouldn't just slip away from him forever. This moment was too important. That, at least, he knew.

"Poe, wait, wait, please. I should have told you, too. We should talk-"

He pulled his arm away far too quickly, stumbling backwards a couple of steps, but at least he stopped trying to leave. Mostly he just felt really guilt for the automatic reflex, and really stupid at forcing this conversation to happen at all. You knew you would hate the answer, Poe, why the hell did you have to keep pushing it?

"It's fine," he said a little tightly. "I'm happy for you." He didn't sound happy, but maybe if he kept saying it, he'd believe it, too. "You deserve it. There's nothing to say, Finn, you should do what makes you happy. End of."

Finn's hand hung at his side, pretending the reflex hadn't hurt nearly as bad as it did. He couldn't say that this new gift made him happy. The secret had weighed on him. But feeling the connections he had, the love between them, the love between everything, that made him happy.

This? Whatever they were doing now? This wasn't happiness. This wasn't a gift.

"It's not worth it if I lose you."

Which wasn't fair. Their connection was strong. They'd gotten through plenty of arguments just fine. But this one was different. This was something fundamental that they couldn't change, something neither of them could ignore. It was part of Finn. If Poe hated that-... He'll get over it, he tried to make himself believe.

"You're not going to lose me," Poe huffed, brushing imaginary dirt off his shirt just so he didn't have to look up. The words had made his heart clench and the guilt bloom in his chest.

"I'll be there. I'll even make a toast or whatever, give away the ring, whatever you want. I'm not going anywhere." Well. He would like to go somewhere, right now, just to cool off. Just to get the hurt out of his system and hit himself until he started getting over it. But he'd never be able to just cut Finn out of his life. Even the idea broke his heart.

He was acting so shitty about this --

He sighed, raising a hand to rub at his eyes.

"I'm just tired, it's been a long day."

It sure felt like he was losing him. Their connection was still strong, of course it was, but all the pain suddenly swimming between them couldn't bode well. All he wanted to do was fix it.

"I don't want a toast or- or a ring-" What ring? What did that have to do with anything? Was this some tradition he didn't know about? Why-

But he clipped his words off, deciding that maybe they were both too emotional to fix this right now. That maybe, maybe, if they came back to this later, it would be better. Somehow.

Or maybe they could pretend to ignore it and let the rift grow like he knew it would.

"No. I'm sorry. You're right... Today's been too much."

Poe sighed.

"... Yeah. I'm jumping the gun, huh?" It was hardly like they were getting married tomorrow, Poe. He raised a hand through his hair, feeling extremely guilty for hearing the hurt in Finn's tone. Fuck. He was lashing out and hurting Finn and he'd never even done anything wrong.

"I'll be fine," He promised. "I don't even know why I'm being so weird about it." Liar. "It's kind of inevitable, right? People always pair off at the end of something like this. Maybe I just --" He trailed off helplessly. Leave now, Poe. Leave right the fuck now.

"... Anyway. Go tell her. I'll... catch you later."

"Pair off?" Like romantically? Or did Poe mean that he felt too distanced from him now? Or... both? "Just because she and I share this doesn't mean that I want things to change between all of us. That's not what this has to be."

But it was always going to change. Finn would like to think he wasn't going to willingly let go of this like Poe apparently thought, but if his friend was so hurt and uncomfortable with him now, then... what choice did he have?

Poe scrubbed his head awkwardly. "I appreciate that, Finn, but it's kind of inevitable, right? I get not wanting to rush ahead too much but - I don't really want to be a third wheel, you know?"

He lowered his hand, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight.

"I won't make it weird, okay?" He already had been making it weird, but he was determined to stop doing it. Somehow. If he could actually get over the fact that it twisted in his gut, sour and painful. "I'll still be here. You shouldn't -- you shouldn't have to hold yourself back, Finn, or not be together, just to keep our friendships the same, right? It's going to change between the two of you, and that's - that good, that's natural. It'll change a bit between us too, but it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere."

He knew it was going to change between himself and Rey, no matter how she took the news. With Poe, he had been a lot more hesitant. Maybe he was worried about what happened with Kylo and the strained relationship Poe had with Rey, but the other man had loved Leia. He kept telling himself that things didn't have to change at all.

But it had just been easier to keep it to himself from the start. It didn't matter what Poe said about not holding back, though. With Poe so upset about it, exploring the Force further almost felt wrong.

"Okay." Poe wasn't going anywhere, and nothing had to change if Finn didn't strive for more. "Neither will I."

Hopefully.

Post-TROS Victory Party

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