lina_musebox

;poe

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"You're not going to lose me," Poe huffed, brushing imaginary dirt off his shirt just so he didn't have to look up. The words had made his heart clench and the guilt bloom in his chest.

"I'll be there. I'll even make a toast or whatever, give away the ring, whatever you want. I'm not going anywhere." Well. He would like to go somewhere, right now, just to cool off. Just to get the hurt out of his system and hit himself until he started getting over it. But he'd never be able to just cut Finn out of his life. Even the idea broke his heart.

He was acting so shitty about this --

He sighed, raising a hand to rub at his eyes.

"I'm just tired, it's been a long day."

It sure felt like he was losing him. Their connection was still strong, of course it was, but all the pain suddenly swimming between them couldn't bode well. All he wanted to do was fix it.

"I don't want a toast or- or a ring-" What ring? What did that have to do with anything? Was this some tradition he didn't know about? Why-

But he clipped his words off, deciding that maybe they were both too emotional to fix this right now. That maybe, maybe, if they came back to this later, it would be better. Somehow.

Or maybe they could pretend to ignore it and let the rift grow like he knew it would.

"No. I'm sorry. You're right... Today's been too much."

Poe sighed.

"... Yeah. I'm jumping the gun, huh?" It was hardly like they were getting married tomorrow, Poe. He raised a hand through his hair, feeling extremely guilty for hearing the hurt in Finn's tone. Fuck. He was lashing out and hurting Finn and he'd never even done anything wrong.

"I'll be fine," He promised. "I don't even know why I'm being so weird about it." Liar. "It's kind of inevitable, right? People always pair off at the end of something like this. Maybe I just --" He trailed off helplessly. Leave now, Poe. Leave right the fuck now.

"... Anyway. Go tell her. I'll... catch you later."

"Pair off?" Like romantically? Or did Poe mean that he felt too distanced from him now? Or... both? "Just because she and I share this doesn't mean that I want things to change between all of us. That's not what this has to be."

But it was always going to change. Finn would like to think he wasn't going to willingly let go of this like Poe apparently thought, but if his friend was so hurt and uncomfortable with him now, then... what choice did he have?

Poe scrubbed his head awkwardly. "I appreciate that, Finn, but it's kind of inevitable, right? I get not wanting to rush ahead too much but - I don't really want to be a third wheel, you know?"

He lowered his hand, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight.

"I won't make it weird, okay?" He already had been making it weird, but he was determined to stop doing it. Somehow. If he could actually get over the fact that it twisted in his gut, sour and painful. "I'll still be here. You shouldn't -- you shouldn't have to hold yourself back, Finn, or not be together, just to keep our friendships the same, right? It's going to change between the two of you, and that's - that good, that's natural. It'll change a bit between us too, but it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere."

He knew it was going to change between himself and Rey, no matter how she took the news. With Poe, he had been a lot more hesitant. Maybe he was worried about what happened with Kylo and the strained relationship Poe had with Rey, but the other man had loved Leia. He kept telling himself that things didn't have to change at all.

But it had just been easier to keep it to himself from the start. It didn't matter what Poe said about not holding back, though. With Poe so upset about it, exploring the Force further almost felt wrong.

"Okay." Poe wasn't going anywhere, and nothing had to change if Finn didn't strive for more. "Neither will I."

Hopefully.

He could feel there was something off - that he'd broken something, in the process of his petty jealousy - but he had no idea what he'd broken or how to fix it.

He shifted a little uncomfortably again and then looked back to the party. Suddenly he didn't feel like he was in the celebrating mood.

"Good." The word felt a little hollow. "I think I'm gonna go turn in. I'll see you at the debriefing tomorrow."

He nodded, the words coming to him almost absently. "Yeah, of course."

And... now he had to tell Rey. Finn glanced at the crowd where Rey still mingled but stood his ground, not wanting Poe to see him not follow through. Because he wasn't going to do it, not tonight. He'd already hurt one of his best friends with the truth, he couldn't lose the other on the same night, too.

Tomorrow. He'll just try again tomorrow. Clearer head and all that.

He hesitated for only a second more, and then quickly disappeared in the crowd before he had to see Finn talk to Rey. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with it. He'd never been a coward before, but. Well. There was a first time for everything.

Three days later, it was no better. They were in endless meetings, and when they weren't, Poe kept finding excuses to be somewhere else. On the third day, he could feel eyes boring a hole into head. He was right to be suspicious.

Two hours later, he'd been cornered in the abandoned hangar, and Rey was doing a very good job of ripping him a new one.

"-- ever you said to him, Poe Dameron, you had better take it back--"

"I didn't say anything! I just told him to talk to you! I don't see what's so wrong about that--"

Finn had told Rey. Finally. He had been scared to do it, even more so than he had been before. But she had taken the news with joy and a whole new connection between them. Without even trying, Finn could feel a lot more in the Force.

Emphasis on not trying, though. He hadn't wanted to try, and Rey noticed then picked up on just how low his mood was and one thing lead to another- He told her not to do anything. That it wasn't Poe's fault and they were working on it, that it was something between the two of them.

Except they weren't working on it, and Finn felt Poe drift further and further away every day, every hour, and he felt powerless to stop it.

Really, he should have expected this.

"Hey! Hey!" Finn had felt their anger before he even knew what it was or heard the voices, but now he was here after running across the hangar and trying to step between them. Which, honestly, was a familiar scene. "That's enough, Rey. Back off. I told you, it's fine. Leave him alone."

Unfortunately for Finn, both Rey and Poe had their tempers right up, though the heat in Poe's face was as much from shame as it was from anger. For Rey? It was nothing but righteous fury.

"It is not fine," she declared, glaring Poe down, who sullenly glared back at her. "He never looked down on Leia for--"

"How exactly am I supposed to look down on any one for Han Solo?" Poe snapped back before she could finish her sentence. "You met him. Sure he could be a bit of a cad, but--"

Edited 2019-12-21 02:29 (UTC)

If anything, after her eyes widened in shock that Poe even went there, Rey just seemed angrier. "This has nothing to do with Han Solo and you know it, you slimy little--"

"That's enough," Finn tried again at both of them, stepping closer in between the bickering. He didn't know what Poe's angle about Han was either, but his main concern right now was the arguing. "Rey," he spoke slowly, calmly, "I will handle this. Please."

"You're the one who brought up Leia!" He roared back at her. That was already a sore spot, after all.

But when Finn inserted himself between them he let out a hiss between his teeth and took a step further back. "There's nothing to handle," He bit out, clearly moping. "I'm fine. It's all fine."

It is not fine. The whole planet probably knew by now that they weren't fine.

Finn held his hand up at Poe. "Stop. Both of you." Trying to diffuse the two of them on a normal day was difficult enough. "This is over. Break it up."

Rey glared at him from over Finn's shoulder, arms at her side as if she was actually going to stop. But then her hand rose and she pointed at him. "I know what you are, Poe Dameron. We'll settle this another time."

"No, you won't," Finn answered but Rey was already stalking away. He just blinked hard and turned to Poe, the first time he'd actually seen the man outside of a meeting in days. "I'll talk to her, but please don't... purposely agitate her or whatever you were trying to do. That just makes it worse."

Poe's face was dark and only got darker, the flush blotchy under his ruddy skin.

"I didn't purposely do anything," he bit out, a little hotly. "I didn't say a damn thing, she's the one who came to me just to rub it in my fa--"

Ah. Maybe not the person he should be saying this to. He bit off the words with a hiss.

"She thinks I'm upsetting you but I'm not doing anything."

Exactly. Poe wasn't doing anything.

Finn turned to fully face him. "Rub what in your face? Why did you even bring up Han? Why are so upset about this? I can't change it, Poe."

And now he was starting to lose his own temper. It had been days like this, of course he was going to crack eventually. Their connection felt so strained now, and he knew it was coming from their combined pain, from both sides. He didn't know how to stop it.

“I know you can’t!” He hissed. “Why do you think I’m trying to stay out of it? It’s none of my business. You can feel whatever you want, for whoever you want. I’m not an officer in the First Order, Finn, I’m not trying to change how you feel or stop you from pursuing it, I just—“

He cut off abruptly, his face on fire.

“I can’t change either. Okay? I can’t help it. I just have to try get over it, or at least just deal with it. I’m not upset.” He was very upset.

At first, Poe's words hurt more than any of their previous exchanges, but-... Wait...

Wait.

What?

Finn was trying to process this so hard that he almost didn't even listen to the last part. But he did.

"Poe." His voice and face and everything were different now, a clear picture of confusion if there ever was one. "What do you think I told Rey?"

Neither of them ever said it, had they? Something inside him told him this was right, that this is where their shared pain centered.

“Are you seriously going to make me say it?” He hissed, Finn’s confusion only making him confused in turn, though it couldn’t break through his hurt or frustration.

“Even after I- Fine. Fine! Why not, right? Fastest way to accept it, huh? Fine. You love Rey. I know that. Everyone knows that. I just don’t know why you took so damn long to tell her.”

Finn's mind didn't seem to want to work, to process all of this information. "That's not what I wanted to tell her," he answered in almost a whisper after a long pause only because he had to say something.

Why had that upset Poe? There was a theory, one Finn knew had to be the right one, but it was too much. He couldn't bring himself to believe it. Poe Dameron wouldn't- Not with him. They were close, but-

But that was right. He could feel it now, always felt it, hadn't realized...

His voice grew softer. "We're friends. I told you-" But he couldn't keep these doubts and secrets running, no matter the consequences.

So he said it fast, all at once, get it over with and be terrified- "Poe, I can feel the Force."

Poe was glaring at him, mind already churning as he formulated his next few sentences, the hurt coalescing and boiling and—

And then he actually processed what Finn said and everything in him screeched to a halt, Poe glaring at him dumbly.

A second past. Two. Three.

“... What?”

He hasn't known at all. Had never had a clue.

Oh, there was a lot at stake here. All of Finn's old anxieties, everything over the last few days.

But instead of elaborating- "You heard me." He was way too scared of this conversation.

Poe stared at him incredulously, utterly confused. Seconds passed again, as the gears very very slowly churned in his head.

He raised a hand to point a finger after where Rey had gone.

“So you- you wanted to tell her that you’re a Jedi,” he tried clarifying, his brows pinched tightly.

"I'm not a Jedi," he began... and couldn't stop. "I just wanted to tell her that I had this connection and I knew she felt isolated and she wasn't alone and I'm sorry I didn't tell her sooner and complained about her training while we ran missions because I knew it was important even though I didn't pick the same path because I thought I had to be out there and maybe I did I don't know anymore but I kept getting too scared to tell her because I was such a hypocrite and I didn't know what you would think of me because I couldn't change this or fix it and I didn't want to-"

Deep breath... "I'm sorry."

Poe blinked at him, his hand still pointing after where she was gone as if he’d forgotten about it.

“Uh,” he said, dumbly. “... So when you thought we were dying, you wanted to say ‘Hey Rey, I can feel the Force’?” Yes he knows he’s repeating himself, but he feels completely unable to fully compute what’s being told to him. Mostly because beyond being vaguely neat, he’s not really sure it matters. Finn is still Finn, after all.

“Not, uh— Hey, Rey, I never told you that I loved you?”

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