;poe

[hatejakku]

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Comments

[flightforfreedom]

Poe's face was dark and only got darker, the flush blotchy under his ruddy skin.

"I didn't purposely do anything," he bit out, a little hotly. "I didn't say a damn thing, she's the one who came to me just to rub it in my fa--"

Ah. Maybe not the person he should be saying this to. He bit off the words with a hiss.

"She thinks I'm upsetting you but I'm not doing anything."

[hatejakku]

Exactly. Poe wasn't doing anything.

Finn turned to fully face him. "Rub what in your face? Why did you even bring up Han? Why are so upset about this? I can't change it, Poe."

And now he was starting to lose his own temper. It had been days like this, of course he was going to crack eventually. Their connection felt so strained now, and he knew it was coming from their combined pain, from both sides. He didn't know how to stop it.

[flightforfreedom]

“I know you can’t!” He hissed. “Why do you think I’m trying to stay out of it? It’s none of my business. You can feel whatever you want, for whoever you want. I’m not an officer in the First Order, Finn, I’m not trying to change how you feel or stop you from pursuing it, I just—“

He cut off abruptly, his face on fire.

“I can’t change either. Okay? I can’t help it. I just have to try get over it, or at least just deal with it. I’m not upset.” He was very upset.

[hatejakku]

At first, Poe's words hurt more than any of their previous exchanges, but-... Wait...

Wait.

What?

Finn was trying to process this so hard that he almost didn't even listen to the last part. But he did.

"Poe." His voice and face and everything were different now, a clear picture of confusion if there ever was one. "What do you think I told Rey?"

Neither of them ever said it, had they? Something inside him told him this was right, that this is where their shared pain centered.

[flightforfreedom]

“Are you seriously going to make me say it?” He hissed, Finn’s confusion only making him confused in turn, though it couldn’t break through his hurt or frustration.

“Even after I- Fine. Fine! Why not, right? Fastest way to accept it, huh? Fine. You love Rey. I know that. Everyone knows that. I just don’t know why you took so damn long to tell her.”

[hatejakku]

Finn's mind didn't seem to want to work, to process all of this information. "That's not what I wanted to tell her," he answered in almost a whisper after a long pause only because he had to say something.

Why had that upset Poe? There was a theory, one Finn knew had to be the right one, but it was too much. He couldn't bring himself to believe it. Poe Dameron wouldn't- Not with him. They were close, but-

But that was right. He could feel it now, always felt it, hadn't realized...

His voice grew softer. "We're friends. I told you-" But he couldn't keep these doubts and secrets running, no matter the consequences.

So he said it fast, all at once, get it over with and be terrified- "Poe, I can feel the Force."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe was glaring at him, mind already churning as he formulated his next few sentences, the hurt coalescing and boiling and—

And then he actually processed what Finn said and everything in him screeched to a halt, Poe glaring at him dumbly.

A second past. Two. Three.



“... What?”

[hatejakku]

He hasn't known at all. Had never had a clue.

Oh, there was a lot at stake here. All of Finn's old anxieties, everything over the last few days.

But instead of elaborating- "You heard me." He was way too scared of this conversation.

[flightforfreedom]

Poe stared at him incredulously, utterly confused. Seconds passed again, as the gears very very slowly churned in his head.

He raised a hand to point a finger after where Rey had gone.

“So you- you wanted to tell her that you’re a Jedi,” he tried clarifying, his brows pinched tightly.

[hatejakku]

"I'm not a Jedi," he began... and couldn't stop. "I just wanted to tell her that I had this connection and I knew she felt isolated and she wasn't alone and I'm sorry I didn't tell her sooner and complained about her training while we ran missions because I knew it was important even though I didn't pick the same path because I thought I had to be out there and maybe I did I don't know anymore but I kept getting too scared to tell her because I was such a hypocrite and I didn't know what you would think of me because I couldn't change this or fix it and I didn't want to-"

Deep breath... "I'm sorry."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe blinked at him, his hand still pointing after where she was gone as if he’d forgotten about it.

“Uh,” he said, dumbly. “... So when you thought we were dying, you wanted to say ‘Hey Rey, I can feel the Force’?” Yes he knows he’s repeating himself, but he feels completely unable to fully compute what’s being told to him. Mostly because beyond being vaguely neat, he’s not really sure it matters. Finn is still Finn, after all.

“Not, uh— Hey, Rey, I never told you that I loved you?”

[hatejakku]

He couldn't decide if he should keep talking or just stay quiet. So, after a beat, "we're just friends. I don't- I didn't want to die and she never know that I had this, I mean-"

It sounded ridiculous the way Poe put it.

But, Poe had said a lot of things lately, hadn't he? "... What did you mean that you had to get over it?"

[flightforfreedom]

Just friends. Didn't want to die without admitting that he shared the Force.

What did he me--

Abruptly, Poe felt all his blood rush to his face.

"... I have to go."

[hatejakku]

Seriously? "No, no, no-"

Finn stepped in front of him, grabbing loosely for his arm again.

But despite his urgency, Finn's voice was quiet, sincere. "Not talking enough out us in this mess. Poe... What did you mean? Why did you ask again on the Star Destroyer?" When they were almost executed...

[flightforfreedom]

He didn't tear his arm away this time, at least, but he did feel like his face was hot enough to light something on fire.

"I -- uh --" He was malfunctioning. Great. This was just great.

He cleared his throat.

"I'm an idiot?" He said, slightly surprised but mostly mortified. "Uh - can we just pretend that - I didn't - Do any of that--"

[hatejakku]

Finn stared at him for a moment and blinked. "No." He could honestly not pretend all of that didn't happen. There was no way he could manage it.

The worst part was, he knew the truth. He already knew why, but he couldn't just say it for him. That would be worse, that's an invasion, and after what Poe had been through- No, he couldn't say it.

Maybe he could just admit his own feelings, but... there was too much uncertainty. Just because love was there didn't mean that Poe wanted to be with him, especially with this new revelation and everything that happened in the past week. Despite the Force, he was still scared.

"You don't-... I can't pretend it didn't happen, but-... Look, if something was bothering you that much, I need to know. I don't want us to be like that again."

They could work on the bad parts without saying the good. Maybe.

[flightforfreedom]

Suddenly Poe really wished that he had gone out in a blazing ball of fire in that last battle - victorious and triumphant and no one aware of just what a fucking idiot he was. Well. Except the people who already knew.

"We won't be," he said quickly, glancing off to the side mostly so he didn't have to meet Finn's eyes, his hand finally lowering. "I, uh - just friends?" He asked, sounding utterly stupid. "Not quote-un-quote 'just friends but secretly not just friends and totally holding a torch since the day you met' friends?'

[hatejakku]

"Just. Friends." That was, what? The third time? Fourth?

He still spoke slowly, enunciating every syllable, arms at his side and palms facing Poe. He needed him to say this. He needed him to say it. "Why does it matter?"

If not now... maybe he would eventually.

[flightforfreedom]

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool." Could he sound more moronic than this? No. Could he possibly stop? Also no. He swallowed.

"Cool. Well - Guess it's kind of... pointless pretending now, huh?" He said, though it was almost to himself. He was silent another few minutes before guiltily looking back at Finn.

"Don't be mad," he asked first, though he knew he didn't have the right to ask that. "But I - well, we're not. Just friends. Not- not to me."

[hatejakku]

Finn almost felt surprised that Poe... admitted it. Still, he stepped closer, eyes and voice soft as a whisper. "You and me?" Not that he really needed the clarification or even expected an answer.

"I- I'm not mad," he said instead, shaking his head a little but unable to look away from Poe's eyes. "I'm really not mad..."

[flightforfreedom]

If Poe hadn't immediately looked away again, frowning off into the distance and raising a hand to rub through his hair, maybe he would have a better idea of Finn's expression right now and wouldn't feel his guts twisting so horribly.

"Well, me towards you, anyway," He clarified, not really wanting to speak for Finn's feelings, for obvious reasons, only then realising that Finn was still looking at him, and feeling his face getting hot again as he forced himself to look back.

"Look, I just - It seemed pretty obvious that your - uh - attention was elsewhere, you know? But then that whole thing happened, and--"

[hatejakku]

"It hasn't," Finn rushed to say. Though, he didn't entirely know what he was saying. What he was trying to say seemed to be stuck somewhere in his chest. "I mean, the war's taken a lot of attention, but no one's really- No one else really--"

Dammit. Dammit, how did he do this? It's not like he had ever planned out what he would say. Despite his affection for Poe, it was almost seamlessly easy to accept that his friend couldn't feel the same way. And he was all right with that. Being closer hadn't mattered when they were already so close to begin with. But, right, the problem, how was he supposed to say this?

How did Poe say it?

"We're not just friends to me either..."

[flightforfreedom]

"It's fine, Finn, just forge--" He'd started saying, before Finn continued. And then he froze.

It was a weird experience, feeling so vulnerable and awkward and uncomfortable at the same time as feeling something white and hot and bright suddenly bloom in his chest. He blinked and searched Finn's face, as if looking for the joke.

"Uh," he said, again, super eloquently. After a moment, with each word slow and sounding both like a question and a statement:

".... So we're... mutually. More than friends."

[hatejakku]

His smile came about a little unbidden to his lips, the corners curling up in a smirk before actually turning into something bright and happy.

"I think so." He was reasonably sure they were on the same page. Well, more than sure if their strengthing connection was anything to go by. "I-... Yes. It's mutual."

But that reminded him and his smile dimmed a little. "The Force isn't... a deal breaker?" With all these confessions, he was worried Poe had glossed over the original problem.

[flightforfreedom]

Poe was halfway between deciding if he should hug him, kiss him, or ask if he could kiss him when Finn’s question came completely out of left field, as far as he was concerned.

“What?” He asked a little stupidly, at first, before his brain caught up. “No? I mean - I guess unless you’re planning on going full Jedi monk on a rock in the middle of no where by yourself—“