lina_musebox

;poe

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Poe didn't often feel fear.

In the times that normal people would feel fear, Poe often felt completely different things. Like Excitement. Or Anger. Or Despair. But rarely fear. He wouldn't have been able to describe the emotion very well, if asked.

But he knew what it felt like, now.

It was the helplessness, mostly. Poe had never really been in a situation where he felt like he couldn't do anything - but that's where they were, now. The universe was tearing itself apart - literally - and there wasn't even a fight to be had. Nothing he could fire a gun at, or fly a plane into. It was all happening entirely beyond his control.

No one knew what would happen, afterward. Some of the older imPorts had talked about being shunted from one universe to another, when it ended, so maybe there was a chance that they'd survive in some form or fashion. But not everyone had made the trip. And the being that had managed to give them passage? She was one of the ones currently locked in a deadly battle that he could barely even fathom. She probably wasn't coming out of this alive.

So he was going to die.

It wasn't really his death that had him so afraid, though. Everyone he cared about, here - an entire 2 and a half year life - they were all going, too. And there were things he hadn't said and things he hadn't done that he was feeling a deep regret about, now.

They'd managed to find a relatively secure patch of ground - a bunker set up around the porter complex - even when other parts of the planet were literally disintegrating.

He was going mad, not being able to do anything, his thoughts rampaging and despairing. He couldn't sit still. He wouldn't. If he couldn't go down fighting --

Well, at least he wouldn't go down quietly. He would fix one regret.

Everyone was watching huge video screens, the end of the world unfolding before them, as Poe reached out and grabbed Finn's hand, leading him out of the room and into the quiet, abandoned hallway.

Actually, Finn couldn't bring himself to watch the video feeds. The destruction was so familiar yet so alien that he just couldn't stomach the images.

He should have done something to stop this, something more or better. He was an imPort and part of Aegis. Surely-

But even as his thoughts spiraled in that fashion, Finn was constantly stopping himself just short of self-hatred. What good would it do now?

He was pulled away before he even realized he was moving. Then he blinked and- Poe. Did Poe have a plan? No, he would have told everyone. Was this about home? Was something else wrong? What else could possibly be wrong?

Finn glanced over to the others, what was left of the friends and acquaintances he'd made throughout the years, before facing forward and followed Poe without having to be dragged.

He knew he should say something. Apologize, maybe. Confess. But instead his hand just tightened around Finn’s as he led the down the hall. He opened the first door he came across - it looked like a meeting room or a conference room, with a big table and a bunch of chairs. He finally let go of Finn’s hand, looking for all the world like he had something incredibly important to say.

But no words came.

Instead, he stepped closer, meeting Finn’s gaze with his own, unable to completely wipe the fear from his expression, and reached out to grasp behind his neck and pull the man into a firm kiss.

When Poe stopped and just looked at him, Finn had been confused. He assumed he would be told what this was about, the whole reason he didn't ask questions.

But Poe's expression was clear after a beat. He was afraid, truly afraid, and he likely needed someone to be close to in their final hour.

And yet, Finn still hadn't expected the kiss. Once the blank whiteness of stunned bliss faded, Finn realized what exactly Poe needed from someone right now.

He pulled away, looking at Poe with something close to offense. Now is the time he chooses to kiss him, after every near turn they didn't take before? He chose Finn for contact in their last moments, to be close to at least someone, and Finn didn't feel honored.

But he did feel love and heartbreak and desperation and just a thin film of not giving a damn anymore. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea. If he was going to die soon, why not finally do this?

So, after a beat, Finn pulled him back in by the collar without a word, kissing him hard and deep and about as passionately as he could manage.

Finn’s expression broke his heart, instantly shattering. He did that. He made Finn look at him like that. The fear wasn’t pacified - if anything, it grew stronger - and Poe had the sudden distinct impression that he had done the absolutely opposite thing he should have. His lips parted, his heart hammering painfully in his chest as he scoured his brain for something to say that would get Finn to stop looking at him like that. But before any words could come, Finn was pulling him back in, and Poe’s heart stuttered for a completely different reason, a low sound almost like a whimper or a moan in the back of his throat.

He returned the kiss with the same desperate passion, but it gave him the courage to speak he hadn’t found before, and he pulled back, lips reddened and breathing hard, jabs still clasped around Finn’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” he finally got out, his voice rough with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Finn— I wasted everything—“

"Don't-" That reminder was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. It wasn't just Poe. They both wasted so much time.

It didn't entirely feel that way, though. Poe had just wanted other things. They had still been close. None of it was a loss. No matter how badly he had wanted something like this from him ever since the moment he found out he could.

"We didn't waste anything," he answered in a husky voice, not wanting to think about it at all. In fact, he wanted to think about nothing but right now and whatever they were doing.

He brought him in for another hard kiss, pressing their bodies together. Perhaps he should prefer to talk to Poe one last time but the idea already threatened to hurt too much.

The words died on his tongue at the ‘don’t’. Finn was wrong - he was wrong - every moment Poe had spent apart from him had been a moment where he was lying to himself. But he couldn’t argue the request - especially not when a second later Finn was dragging him up against him and kissing him like that.

He groaned, melting into the kiss, threading his arms around Finn’s neck and pulling him closer, as if he could press his body into the spaces between Finn’s atoms.

But the ability to keep his mouth shut didn’t last for long, groaning into Finn’s mouth.

“I’ll find you,” he promised roughly, between deep, passionate, desperate kisses. “If we— i’ll Find you, I don’t care how, whatever happens. Even if we’re just pieces of the Force, I’ll find you.”

Finn wanted to stop all of this and shake him. No, no, no. Poe can't keep promises like that. They were going to die, that was all. If anything was left over, they'd never find each other again.

But... it was good to think about for now. The Force brought them together once already. It could do it again. For now, like this, Finn could convince himself to believe it.

Two totally different parts of himself were battling for his beliefs. The terrified skeptic and the terrified hopeful. He parted from Poe, looking at him with something fragile but there. "You can't make promises like that," he said in a shaking voice, practically begging Poe to convince him that he could.

"Yes I can," Poe whispered with utter conviction, his hands coming up to frame Finn's face, pinned between them.

"This isn't it. I know it. I don't know what - what we'll be after this, or where we'll be, or how much of us will be left, but I--" He swallowed, smoothing a hand over Finn's hair, pressing his fingers between tight curls. "It doesn't matter. Because I'll find you. And I'll never let you go again."

He can't promise something like that.

But Finn didn't want to think about what was going to happen or what they should have done. Poe said he was going to find him, then Poe was going to find him. It should be that simple.

His hands tightened, suddenly so grateful that they had Right Now. His eyes grew warm from all this talk, and he blinked a tear away to trail down his cheek, but-

One hand went around Poe's neck to pull him into another kiss, hoping he'd ignore the tears. "We'll find each other," he promised in a low voice, barely parting the kiss before moving back in.

He just wanted to ignore it. He just wanted to know nothing.

He couldn't ignore them completely. Of course he couldn't. He wanted to scrub them from Finn's face - cover him with kisses until they disappeared. But his own eyes were growing hot, just from looking at Finn's face, and the low, rough promise between fierce, hard kisses broke him, as well.

But maybe if he didn't say anything about Finn's tears, the man wouldn't say anything about his own.

His heart was slamming so hard in his chest that he could feel it in his throat, and he pushed the feeling down as firmly as he could, kissing Finn back with a passion that leaned into desperation, fingers tangling in his shirt as Poe deepened the kiss.

Neither of them could promise it. Of course they couldn't. But Poe had to believe it.

He had to.

They'd be luminous.

Finn wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe that they'd exist, that they could find each other again once this life was over. It was difficult to hold down, but he wanted to believe it so badly.

He felt more than saw Poe's tears and he gasped into the kiss, pressing against him harder. If only this could be his everything right now. If only just this existed.

"Lo- Love you- Please-"

Poe knew how he felt. What was the point of not saying it now? Though, he was certain that if Poe said it back, he probably wouldn't believe it. Not completely. Just like he was trying so hard to believe their happy future. He didn't even know what he was asking for, not really. For all of it to be true, he supposed.

It clenched in his chest, almost painfully, the regret so sharp as to be overwhelming. He'd wasted it. It had been right here, right at his side, this whole time, and he'd wasted it.

"I love you so much, Finn," he whispered back, his voice thick even as he swallowed around the words, even as they were pressed so close that he couldn't tell where his heart beat ended and Finn's began. He felt the back of his thighs hit the edge of the table, and he gripped Finn harder, surging forward for a kiss even as he pulled Finn down against him. "I love you so much, I should have been telling you every day--"

Well... he was right. He wasn't sure he believed it. Not the way Poe meant, anyway.

That said- "You did. Every day." Finn knew he'd been cared for. He never once doubted that Poe cared about him, loved him at least in that way. Always made sure he had everything he needed, always stayed at his side and defended his back, always came to him with a smile and laugh. Poe kept him company. He kept him happy. What they had on Earth was a good life, and Finn could never regret that.

"Every day," he repeated, voice choked, pressing harder into Poe until they were both falling to the tabletop. He didn't know where this was going. Didn't care to think about it either. They were together and loved and- What else could he really ask for?

"Not enough," Poe choked out. He knew it. Finn didn't have to say it. It had never been enough. It had always been held back, guarded. Restrained. For what?

For what?

He grunted as he hit the table, pulling Finn's body flush down against his own. It was only then that he realised he was hard, but it was almost an afterthought. He just wanted to be with Finn. He didn't care how. He wanted to be with Finn, as the universe dissolved around them.

"Not nearly enough," he breathed, taking Finn's mouth again, wrapping his limbs and gripping him tightly against himself, as if he could mold them together.

He didn't really know how to respond to that so he shook his head instead. It had been enough for what was between them. It was more than Finn ever thought he'd get. Even if they weren't romantically involved, he knew that they once had been and, sometimes, that was enough.

"You did," he repeated himself, pressing their hips together and pulling at Poe's clothes. He was hard, Poe was hard, so why not? Poe had been talking about wasted time, and Finn had to make up for all that in whatever time they had left. They shouldn't have regrets, not if they were still alive now. "I love you."

Finn was pulling at his clothes and it was like he had slid a key into a lock, and given Poe the final elements of his freedom. He couldn’t initiate it himself, but was soon as Finn did, that was permission. He moaned lowly against Finn’s mouth as heir hips pressed together - he could feel how hard Finn was even through layers of cloth, and it just made him harder in return.

“I love you,” he echoed breathlessly, fingers digging into clothing and pulling sharply, suddenly determined to get everything off him. He wanted his and Finn’s atoms to be so close as to be indistinguishable from each other. “I love you so much, Finn. I love you—“

He didn't want to wonder if Poe was telling the truth anymore. That whenever they might find each other again, Poe could change his mind. But they would find each other. They had to. And Poe did love him in some way.

At least his mind was starting to shut up enough to let him pretend.

Finn's jacket and shirt had quickly vanished before he started working on Poe's shirt, one hand already trying to manage his belt. The clothes were separating them. Whether they were about to do more or not, he just wanted to be close. He wanted to feel Poe against him. He just wanted this.

His heart was thundering in his chest. He didn't know how much time they had left and he almost didn't care - every second of it was already dedicated to Finn. He didn't want to be anywhere else. He clumsily tossed Finn's shirt off, then fumbled with his belt, tossing that off to the side too. The hard wood of the boardroom table beneath him would bruise, probably, but he couldn't care about that either.

He wasn't exactly going to live long enough to see the bruises.

He got Finn's fly open and pushed his pants down his hips before getting his hands around Finn's ass and pulling him sharply against him. The outline of Finn's hard cock was even clearer against his own and he groaned, eyes falling shut.

"W-Wait--" He suddenly said, pausing.

He could feel a weight on his chest that shouldn't be there, anymore.

Wait? For what? What time did they have left?

But no, Finn pushed the melancholy logic aside and suddenly found the term a little more freeing. It felt like they did have time, that there was still room to make mistakes and fix them.

Even with that knowledge, Finn's heart hammered hard in chest, thinking Poe was about to take it all back already. If it was honest, it'd be okay. Even though the fear of being alone, something that hadn't managed to grip him in a long time, suddenly flared again through his veins like burning ice.

But he stopped, pulling away from Poe to pant and look down at him, trying to remember every inch of him during however much time he had left.

Given the space, Poe's hand immediately went to the chain at his throat, clumsily and quickly undoing the clasp. He pulled it free from his neck and then took Finn's hand and pressed the ring into his palm, closing Finn's fingers around it tightly.

"It was my mom's," he explained quickly. "Should have given it to you the moment I knew. It's yours."

"Wh-What?" The ring he wore around his neck all the time? His mother's ring?

"I can't-" He tried to say, voice a touch high. He couldn't take Poe's connection to his mother, not now of all the times. Even troopers who couldn't remember their parents still called for their mothers when they were still young. Why would Poe- "It's your mom's. Why-?"

"It's yours," He insisted quickly, reaching up to take Finn's face between his hands and then arching up to steal a kiss and try to bring him back down with him.

"You don't have to - it was her wedding ring, and I know I can't ask that, but at the very least you should have it. I'm not letting anything happen to you without it."

Oh. He understood. Maybe not completely, but he gathered enough.

It was such an important piece of symbolism and history, though. It shouldn't belong to him. He didn't really feel like he had the right. Desperately trying to get close to someone you cared about in your last moments wasn't... this. This was- He wasn't sure what this was.

But Poe wanted him to have it, and it cemented something in his chest that told him all of this was true. Poe loved him, Poe missed him, Poe would find him. Overwhelmed again, he shuddered and tried to ignore his new tears, fumbling with the ring but managing to slip it on a finger.

Finn was back down, pressed against him, but he wasn't resuming what they were doing before. He didn't have to force himself to be distracted if the truth was weighted band around his finger. Instead, he looked down at Poe and desperately wished they could make it all up to each other.

"It would have been yes," he breathed into the stillness of the room, finally feeling a silent calm that wasn't in a rush, the seconds feeling as if they had finally slowed down. "If you asked." Not that there was time, but his answer remained.

He let out a breath that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh, his eyes suddenly brimming with moisture. Force, he was a fool.

“Yeah?” He asked dumbly, his voice thick and choked. “Okay. Okay— Marry me, Finn,” he whispered, a pained smile drawing so wide across his face that it wasn’t only his heart that hurt. “I’ll ask again, later, I promise, but marry me now, too.”

MoM Apocalypse AU

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