;poe

[hatejakku]

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Comments

[flightforfreedom]

"You're an idiot," He said bluntly. He meant it in the most loving way possible, but that didn't mean he felt it was any less true.

"You've been spending almost every waking moment trying to help her. You nearly got yourself drowned or smashed or who knows what else by going after her. If she doesn't think you've been supportive, then she's an idiot, and I'm pretty sure she's not. So just tell her, already." He frowned down at his arm.

"Put the rest of us out of our misery," he added with a mutter.

[hatejakku]

Initially, Finn looked up at him in shock, but his facade softened as Poe continued. He did have a point. At least Finn had tried his best to be there for her, even if he never outright told her the truth.

Besides, just like Poe, she was going to find out anyway. Better for him to tell her than Rey discovering it on her own. "Thank you." It was quiet and spoken down at Poe's wound but it was as sincere as his heart felt right now. "You're right. I need to tell her. Soon."

He finished the bandage and looked up at Poe again, one thing still bugging him. "I didn't even know at Starkiller. How did you?"

[flightforfreedom]

Poe was very carefully steeling his face. He'd been hoping for a denial, really, to be told that he was stupid and seeing things. But he wasn't. Having it confirmed hurt a lot more than he expected it to.

Come on, Poe. You've known this forever. Why let it hurt you now?

"You dragged me and the entire resistance to go save her," He said, his voice a little clipped. He pulled his arm back and poked at the bandage, not willing to look at Finn. "It was pretty obvious, Finn."

[hatejakku]

Finn frowned for two reasons. First, he didn't see how that really proved anything. Second-... Why was Poe so hurt suddenly? What had he said?

He went with the first problem, shaking his head again but in misunderstanding this time. "We had no choice. Yeah, I... mostly went there to get Rey because I didn't believe at the time that we had a hope in hell of... doing exactly what we did today. But we had to stop Starkiller. There wasn't a choice. It was the only decision."

The Force certainly didn't tell him to stop the planet-destroying weapon. He could figure that out on his own, thanks.

[flightforfreedom]

"That's not what I mean and you know it," He said a little tightly, and then immediately kicked himself. Fucking moron. He let out a hard breath and a sigh.

"Just don't worry about it, okay? Just tell her. Let me know when I can throw confetti at you," he added, unable to help it sounding like a barb, before he turned abruptly away. Cool, Poe, really great, can't keep your cool about this for two fucking seconds. He needed to escape, and fast.

[hatejakku]

That hurt. Poe's pain hurt. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of.

He reached for Poe's good arm, not even certain his friend wouldn't just slip away from him forever. This moment was too important. That, at least, he knew.

"Poe, wait, wait, please. I should have told you, too. We should talk-"

[flightforfreedom]

He pulled his arm away far too quickly, stumbling backwards a couple of steps, but at least he stopped trying to leave. Mostly he just felt really guilt for the automatic reflex, and really stupid at forcing this conversation to happen at all. You knew you would hate the answer, Poe, why the hell did you have to keep pushing it?

"It's fine," he said a little tightly. "I'm happy for you." He didn't sound happy, but maybe if he kept saying it, he'd believe it, too. "You deserve it. There's nothing to say, Finn, you should do what makes you happy. End of."

[hatejakku]

Finn's hand hung at his side, pretending the reflex hadn't hurt nearly as bad as it did. He couldn't say that this new gift made him happy. The secret had weighed on him. But feeling the connections he had, the love between them, the love between everything, that made him happy.

This? Whatever they were doing now? This wasn't happiness. This wasn't a gift.

"It's not worth it if I lose you."

Which wasn't fair. Their connection was strong. They'd gotten through plenty of arguments just fine. But this one was different. This was something fundamental that they couldn't change, something neither of them could ignore. It was part of Finn. If Poe hated that-... He'll get over it, he tried to make himself believe.

[flightforfreedom]

"You're not going to lose me," Poe huffed, brushing imaginary dirt off his shirt just so he didn't have to look up. The words had made his heart clench and the guilt bloom in his chest.

"I'll be there. I'll even make a toast or whatever, give away the ring, whatever you want. I'm not going anywhere." Well. He would like to go somewhere, right now, just to cool off. Just to get the hurt out of his system and hit himself until he started getting over it. But he'd never be able to just cut Finn out of his life. Even the idea broke his heart.

He was acting so shitty about this --

He sighed, raising a hand to rub at his eyes.

"I'm just tired, it's been a long day."

[hatejakku]

It sure felt like he was losing him. Their connection was still strong, of course it was, but all the pain suddenly swimming between them couldn't bode well. All he wanted to do was fix it.

"I don't want a toast or- or a ring-" What ring? What did that have to do with anything? Was this some tradition he didn't know about? Why-

But he clipped his words off, deciding that maybe they were both too emotional to fix this right now. That maybe, maybe, if they came back to this later, it would be better. Somehow.

Or maybe they could pretend to ignore it and let the rift grow like he knew it would.

"No. I'm sorry. You're right... Today's been too much."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe sighed.

"... Yeah. I'm jumping the gun, huh?" It was hardly like they were getting married tomorrow, Poe. He raised a hand through his hair, feeling extremely guilty for hearing the hurt in Finn's tone. Fuck. He was lashing out and hurting Finn and he'd never even done anything wrong.

"I'll be fine," He promised. "I don't even know why I'm being so weird about it." Liar. "It's kind of inevitable, right? People always pair off at the end of something like this. Maybe I just --" He trailed off helplessly. Leave now, Poe. Leave right the fuck now.

"... Anyway. Go tell her. I'll... catch you later."

[hatejakku]

"Pair off?" Like romantically? Or did Poe mean that he felt too distanced from him now? Or... both? "Just because she and I share this doesn't mean that I want things to change between all of us. That's not what this has to be."

But it was always going to change. Finn would like to think he wasn't going to willingly let go of this like Poe apparently thought, but if his friend was so hurt and uncomfortable with him now, then... what choice did he have?

[flightforfreedom]

Poe scrubbed his head awkwardly. "I appreciate that, Finn, but it's kind of inevitable, right? I get not wanting to rush ahead too much but - I don't really want to be a third wheel, you know?"

He lowered his hand, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight.

"I won't make it weird, okay?" He already had been making it weird, but he was determined to stop doing it. Somehow. If he could actually get over the fact that it twisted in his gut, sour and painful. "I'll still be here. You shouldn't -- you shouldn't have to hold yourself back, Finn, or not be together, just to keep our friendships the same, right? It's going to change between the two of you, and that's - that good, that's natural. It'll change a bit between us too, but it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere."

[hatejakku]

He knew it was going to change between himself and Rey, no matter how she took the news. With Poe, he had been a lot more hesitant. Maybe he was worried about what happened with Kylo and the strained relationship Poe had with Rey, but the other man had loved Leia. He kept telling himself that things didn't have to change at all.

But it had just been easier to keep it to himself from the start. It didn't matter what Poe said about not holding back, though. With Poe so upset about it, exploring the Force further almost felt wrong.

"Okay." Poe wasn't going anywhere, and nothing had to change if Finn didn't strive for more. "Neither will I."

Hopefully.

[flightforfreedom]

He could feel there was something off - that he'd broken something, in the process of his petty jealousy - but he had no idea what he'd broken or how to fix it.

He shifted a little uncomfortably again and then looked back to the party. Suddenly he didn't feel like he was in the celebrating mood.

"Good." The word felt a little hollow. "I think I'm gonna go turn in. I'll see you at the debriefing tomorrow."

[hatejakku]

He nodded, the words coming to him almost absently. "Yeah, of course."

And... now he had to tell Rey. Finn glanced at the crowd where Rey still mingled but stood his ground, not wanting Poe to see him not follow through. Because he wasn't going to do it, not tonight. He'd already hurt one of his best friends with the truth, he couldn't lose the other on the same night, too.

Tomorrow. He'll just try again tomorrow. Clearer head and all that.

[flightforfreedom]

He hesitated for only a second more, and then quickly disappeared in the crowd before he had to see Finn talk to Rey. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with it. He'd never been a coward before, but. Well. There was a first time for everything.

Three days later, it was no better. They were in endless meetings, and when they weren't, Poe kept finding excuses to be somewhere else. On the third day, he could feel eyes boring a hole into head. He was right to be suspicious.

Two hours later, he'd been cornered in the abandoned hangar, and Rey was doing a very good job of ripping him a new one.

"-- ever you said to him, Poe Dameron, you had better take it back--"

"I didn't say anything! I just told him to talk to you! I don't see what's so wrong about that--"

[hatejakku]

Finn had told Rey. Finally. He had been scared to do it, even more so than he had been before. But she had taken the news with joy and a whole new connection between them. Without even trying, Finn could feel a lot more in the Force.

Emphasis on not trying, though. He hadn't wanted to try, and Rey noticed then picked up on just how low his mood was and one thing lead to another- He told her not to do anything. That it wasn't Poe's fault and they were working on it, that it was something between the two of them.

Except they weren't working on it, and Finn felt Poe drift further and further away every day, every hour, and he felt powerless to stop it.

Really, he should have expected this.

"Hey! Hey!" Finn had felt their anger before he even knew what it was or heard the voices, but now he was here after running across the hangar and trying to step between them. Which, honestly, was a familiar scene. "That's enough, Rey. Back off. I told you, it's fine. Leave him alone."

[flightforfreedom]

Unfortunately for Finn, both Rey and Poe had their tempers right up, though the heat in Poe's face was as much from shame as it was from anger. For Rey? It was nothing but righteous fury.

"It is not fine," she declared, glaring Poe down, who sullenly glared back at her. "He never looked down on Leia for--"

"How exactly am I supposed to look down on any one for Han Solo?" Poe snapped back before she could finish her sentence. "You met him. Sure he could be a bit of a cad, but--"

[hatejakku]

If anything, after her eyes widened in shock that Poe even went there, Rey just seemed angrier. "This has nothing to do with Han Solo and you know it, you slimy little--"

"That's enough," Finn tried again at both of them, stepping closer in between the bickering. He didn't know what Poe's angle about Han was either, but his main concern right now was the arguing. "Rey," he spoke slowly, calmly, "I will handle this. Please."

[flightforfreedom]

"You're the one who brought up Leia!" He roared back at her. That was already a sore spot, after all.

But when Finn inserted himself between them he let out a hiss between his teeth and took a step further back. "There's nothing to handle," He bit out, clearly moping. "I'm fine. It's all fine."

[hatejakku]

It is not fine. The whole planet probably knew by now that they weren't fine.

Finn held his hand up at Poe. "Stop. Both of you." Trying to diffuse the two of them on a normal day was difficult enough. "This is over. Break it up."

Rey glared at him from over Finn's shoulder, arms at her side as if she was actually going to stop. But then her hand rose and she pointed at him. "I know what you are, Poe Dameron. We'll settle this another time."

"No, you won't," Finn answered but Rey was already stalking away. He just blinked hard and turned to Poe, the first time he'd actually seen the man outside of a meeting in days. "I'll talk to her, but please don't... purposely agitate her or whatever you were trying to do. That just makes it worse."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe's face was dark and only got darker, the flush blotchy under his ruddy skin.

"I didn't purposely do anything," he bit out, a little hotly. "I didn't say a damn thing, she's the one who came to me just to rub it in my fa--"

Ah. Maybe not the person he should be saying this to. He bit off the words with a hiss.

"She thinks I'm upsetting you but I'm not doing anything."

[hatejakku]

Exactly. Poe wasn't doing anything.

Finn turned to fully face him. "Rub what in your face? Why did you even bring up Han? Why are so upset about this? I can't change it, Poe."

And now he was starting to lose his own temper. It had been days like this, of course he was going to crack eventually. Their connection felt so strained now, and he knew it was coming from their combined pain, from both sides. He didn't know how to stop it.

[flightforfreedom]

“I know you can’t!” He hissed. “Why do you think I’m trying to stay out of it? It’s none of my business. You can feel whatever you want, for whoever you want. I’m not an officer in the First Order, Finn, I’m not trying to change how you feel or stop you from pursuing it, I just—“

He cut off abruptly, his face on fire.

“I can’t change either. Okay? I can’t help it. I just have to try get over it, or at least just deal with it. I’m not upset.” He was very upset.