;poe

[hatejakku]

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Comments

[hatejakku]

He didn't ever want to sleep again, to be honest, but the thought of moving away from Poe's warm embrace felt almost just as bad. "I'm all right," Finn answered after a quiet beat, hoping the lie wasn't too obvious.

Subject change. "What do you do after a bad one?"

He didn't know - but should have known - about Poe's nightmares. There was an apology for that on his tongue, too, as if what they had was so fragile that even this could tear it down. But he didn't apologize, even though it maybe was too damaging...

Or maybe he was just too maudlin about everything right now. Finn tucked his face into Poe's neck and hid away.

[flightforfreedom]

Poe held him close, one hand going up to run his fingers through Finn's short cropped hair, slowly massaging his scalp.

"Depends," he murmured, the sleep still giving a low rough edge to his voice. "If it's on a mission, I just - keep going. Pretend I got enough sleep. If it's back on base, I'd grab Beebee and go tinker on a ship for a bit. Something productive and completely unrelated. Just to get my mind as far off it as possible."

There was a pause, then a warm kiss against Finn's head. "Though I have someone that I could just wrap myself around, now, so maybe I'd do that instead."

[hatejakku]

Getting away and being productive was probably a good idea, but Finn wasn't sure how effective it would be. Letting Poe hold him like this and kiss him was a reminder that someone- an entire group of people did care about him. And this person loved him.

It was horrifying but still something to hold on to, something that made it worth the risk of forgetting anyway. At least someone would remember. Mourn him, maybe. Before they made him-

And he was being maudlin again. "I would let you," he answered in a weak, chocked up voice, different to a moment ago. "Whatever you need, Poe." Even as he said it, he set out to do just that, wrapping his arms around his waist then legs twining together and just holding on tight. "Feels good," he muttered about the hand in his hair.

[flightforfreedom]

"Not really about me at the moment, buddy," he murmured in a reminder, letting his finger tips keep pressing small circles into Finn's scalp. He wanted to ask, about the nightmares. But that sort of thing... He knew he'd never really be able to admit how often he dreamed of the Finalizer. How often he felt the electricity spasm through him, the same question over and over. Then having it ripped out of his mind like it was nothing.

He'd never be able to admit it, not even to Finn. Maybe a little, maybe a hint, an offhand joke. But not how much it really haunted him. Not when Finn had saved him from the living nightmare - he couldn't admit that a peice of him was still in that chair. So he couldn't ask. He just held Finn tight, and hoped the relatively stable rythym of his heartbeat helped.

"You can think about yourself for once in your life, you know," he teased him quietly. "I just want to make sure you get what you need, right now."

[hatejakku]

Thinking about helping people, especially Poe, helped make him feel better, though. Being useful without leaving this comforting spot helped a little.

"I do," he admitted. Thinks about himself, he meant. "I am." He synced his breathing to the rise and fall of Poe's chest, trying to engulf himself in the low thrum of his heartbeat even while still talking. "Like thinking about you more...

Thank you. Sorry, I-... Old ghosts. I'll let them go one day." That's what he hoped, anyway.

[flightforfreedom]

"Sometimes it's the old ghosts that need to let go of us," he murmured. "It isn't your fault, if they keep haunting you." He closed his eyes, shifting in closer so that he could press his face to Finn's neck. Not even kissing it - just being close.

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Finn. Honestly you basically never do, but especially not with this."

[hatejakku]

That- Finn's body relaxed a bit more into him. Of course, the whole thing still bothered him. But it wasn't his fault, and he wasn't weak for being afraid. Poe didn't think he was weak. It would have been different back-

Well. Maybe he needed to stop worrying about back there. He was here now. What they thought didn't matter anymore. "Thank you," said emphatically, almost like he could cry if only he wasn't so tired. "Thank you. I'm glad that-... I'm glad you're here, Poe."

He wouldn't be able to stand it if they didn't work out and their relationship was made into a rift. The thought scared him sometimes. But having him here, like this, was worth a little bit of that fear.

[flightforfreedom]

"I got you," he promised, tightening his hold, finally pressing a warm kiss to Finn's pulse.

"And I'm damn glad I'm here too. I wouldn't have been, without you. The fact that you came back--"

He still thought about it, sometimes. Finn finding his way to the Resistance, completing his mission... It had changed Poe's life in more ways than he could count. And while obviously he wasn't the only one to benefit-- they would never have destroyed Starkiller without Finn -- it still felt incredibly personal, some how. Like Finn just kept showing up, just for Poe in particular.

"You could have gotten as far from this, as far from me, as you wanted to. But you didn't. You can back, and now you're even right here, and---" he ran out of words, tucking his face further in against him. "... Yeah. You know what I mean."

[hatejakku]

He almost hadn't come back. By his own choice. While he almost said as much, the truth is he hadn't. The motives were different back then, though not by much, but now he'd always keep coming back.

"I never wanted to be away from you." If Finn had known that Poe was alive with the Resistance, he wouldn't have tried to leave the first time. He had to believe that.

Though he didn't like thinking about what would have happened if he made a different, easier decision on the Finalizer. At the same time, Poe's appreciation of him settled somewhere deep in his chest, warming his body completely. "I love you, too." Because that's what he meant, in a way. He hoped.

Short tag because making it longer ruined the cute

[flightforfreedom]

With his face buried in the crook of Finn's neck, it was probably far easier to feel the smile than it was to see it.

"See," he murmured, still smiling as he pressed another kiss to Finn's throat. "You knew what I meant."

oh no i bet it was so angsty

[hatejakku]

Poe's smile was infectious, and Finn couldn't help but return it a little bit, hiding his own face against Poe's skin. "Wild guess," he said with a half-hearted laugh, the nightmare an almost distant memory now.

He let out one more breath and let himself relax. There was no sleeping tonight, but he could at least enjoy this. "Thank you. Again."

::sweats::

[flightforfreedom]

"Seriously, you need to stop thanking me, it's going to go straight to my head," he teased, pressing a warm kiss to Finn's earlobe.

He let a silence slide between them, comfortable even in the darkness as long as he still had his limbs around Finn.

But then, a few minutes later, as if he wanted to prove that he hadn't merely agreed because he'd been prompted, he pressed his lips to Finn's ear and breathed: "I do love you, Finn. So much."

drown me in my own tears

[hatejakku]

Something about the conviction in Poe's words made unbidden tears swell behind his eyes and his hand to grip harder into the sheets. He almost wished Poe didn't so he'd never have to be disappointed or hurt if it all came down to... well, Finn's worst nightmare.

"I'll always love you," he repeated instead, not knowing how to convey what he really felt. Don't let me forget. Don't let them destroy me. "No matter what."

He cuddled closer so as to not show his pain or happiness from the moment and their words. Perhaps sharing love was a terrifying thought given their situation but it was liberating, too. His own little rebellion. Maybe they could change the future, but they would never be able to touch this moment. Poe loved him and that was more important than everything else.