lina_musebox

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Poe reached down, grabbing Finn's shirt and tugging it roughly, bunching it in his hand until his knuckles went white.

But his expression twisted into something frustrated and pained, and finally he just let go, pulling right off him and off the bed, taking several steps back as he swore.

"Damn it. Damn it. What did I do? Why are you looking at me like that?"

But he refused to get any closer, slumping down against the far wall instead and putting his head in his hands, fingers curling tightly against his scalp.

Finn watched him back off with wide eyes, before slumping against the bed himself. He didn't answer, though. His hands pressed into his eyes until all he could see were bursts of white. When he stopped that, the shaking set in.

Without anything else to focus on, he was unraveling. So long as he kept breathing, though, it'd be okay. Probably-... Probably shouldn't stay on the bed, though.

"I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, trembling, but he finally pushed himself off the bed to lean against the wall. His weight couldn't really hold him right now, and he just slumped down to the floor. Still not the safest position. "I'm sorry. I should have said- should have called it off sooner. It's not your fault."

His fingers curled tighter, nails biting into scalp as he forced himself to breathe. Forced his eyes to close.

He couldn't even figure out what he'd done, but the fact that it was so clear that he'd done it was killing him.

He didn't say anything for several long seconds, and then, abruptly:

"I should go."

He got up, shoving his still-hard cock back into his pants with a curse.

Clearly, he couldn't be trusted to be near Finn. Not if he couldn't even tell when he was doing something wrong.

"No-" He couldn't be alone right now, couldn't let things stop like that. They had to talk. Or, at the very least, Poe had to know that he wasn't alone. They were both fucked up now. He was right from the start. They were together through all of this.

But as much as he wanted to crawl into a hole right now, Finn really didn't want to be alone. He needed reassurance to know that what he was afraid of wasn't Poe. So his hand was stretched out to him, lacking the conviction to actually get up.

"Wait, you don't- Not right now."

He didn't reach for the hand - didn't trust himself to - and instead just looked at it while the emotions warred on his face.

"I refuse to do this to you," He finally said, eventually, his voice almost trembling with its intensity. "I refuse to break you. And if that means - Finn, if that means I shouldn't be anywhere near you, then I shouldn't be anywhere near you."

But he couldn't get himself to actually leave, either, so.

His hand curled in, pulling away to his chest. He had to swallow hard to make his voice even sort of level and it still wavered when he spoke. "If you don't want to, then you won't. We can do this.

"Just... not right now. Not today, all right? We'll figure it out." Just as soon as Finn could think again.

Poe scrubbed his face agressively and sunk back down against the opposite wall, pulling his knees up to his chest. He was still painfully aroused, he could barely think around it, but he refused to hurt Finn. He refused.

"I don't know what I doing," He admitted, his voice low and rough as he buried his face in his hands. "I don't know when I'm doing the right thing or the wrong thing unless I'm in a fucking cockpit. I should just - I should just never leave it."

Finn shook his head but didn't know how to comfort Poe, not when he was still shaking like this. His limbs pulled tight together, wishing they could be closer but also knowing that wouldn't be a good idea for either of them right now.

"That's not true," he said sharply even though it still wavered. "I don't know what I'm doing either. If I knew, you wouldn't... feel like this."

But if he didn't know then-... "Maybe we need to talk to someone. Both of us. Someone who... knows what the hell we're supposed to do." If it was both of them, together, he could ensure that no one misunderstood. He could make sure no one allowed Poe to get in trouble.

Or that's how it was working in his mind right now, as distant as he was.

"Who the hell would we even talk to." Muttered into his hands before he pulled them down and bunched them behind his knees.

"No one's going to let me near you, Finn. And they shouldn't. If anyone finds out about me, they'll ground me. I have to stay quiet." The words had the strange tenor of not quite being his. Words he had been forced to repeat until they sounded like his own.

... They would ground him. That would be the worst thing.

"No one can keep me away from you." At least that much, he was sure of. If Poe himself couldn't keep him away, no one could. "We'll talk to a doctor. A psychologist or something. If they ground you, it... won't be for long." That part, he didn't know.

But really, they couldn't afford to keep him grounded if the war heated up. They would need Poe.

"They'll ground me, and they'll take you from me," He repeated, a firm edge to his voice as he leaned his head back against the bulkhead.

"What could they possibly do to help, Finn? If I'm - if I'm broken, and you're not, then you should just- you should be kept very far away from me."

"You're not broken." It was the most coherent, firm thing he'd been able to say so far. The rest, though, was choked with emotion.

"They'll help. They'll help both of us. But they can't take me away. Only I can decide that. Even you can't. I'm here, all right?" He tried to let out a breath, find some sort of steady ground and came up empty. "I want you to be okay but I can't help. I'm no good. They can, though. You need them."

"They won't help." He sounded utterly convinced. And that was because he was. It had been drilled into him from day one. He couldn't trust anyone except the Admiral.

"They won't help, they'll just take the only damn thing I'm any good at away from me."

Finn could tell how convinced Poe was about it and, right now, he had no strength to keep arguing. Suddenly, he just felt exhausted and lethargic, like nothing really mattered to him at all.

His hands still shook, but he ignored them, leaning back into the wall. "I can't help... I don't know how."

;poe

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