;poe

[hatejakku]

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Comments

[flightforfreedom]

"Yeah, I'll figure it out tomorrow. Tonight, I'm happy enough crashing on your couch," he teased, a smile pulling at the edge of his lips.

He squeezed Finn's hand.

"... Thanks, though. Pretty sure all of this... Yeah, not sure how I'd be dealing with any of this without you."

[hatejakku]

Not my couch, he almost said but forced the words back down. He knew what that felt like, after all.

But Finn squeezed Poe's hand back and replied, "You would have made it." Hadn't he made it before? How long was it before Finn arrived the first time? Had Poe even come in first?

Those were becoming too many questions, and Finn pushed it all down for the time being. "I'll find you some blankets," he said instead before letting go and setting himself out for the task.

[flightforfreedom]

"Thanks," Poe said again, his hand feeling cold the moment Finn dropped it. He waited until the man came back, took the blankets, and gave some sort of lame joke about it all before he watched the man disappear.

As soon as he was alone, the whole world shifted.

He let out a long, slow breath as he stared at the ceiling.

He'd done really well for the last several hours deflecting everything he could think or feel onto Finn, but now the rest of it was crashing in and he didn't know what to do with any of it.

He curled up onto his side and shut his eyes and just told himself to sleep over and over and over again.

Eventually his exhaustion finally took him, and his dreams welcomed him with thorned tendrils.

[hatejakku]

Finn didn't sleep. He stayed awake, lying in Poe's bed like he had so many other sleepless nights, except the owner was just down the hall. It felt like a dream or some sort of trick. He wanted nothing more than to sneak down the hall, sit in a corner, and watch Poe sleep like a creep. But he wouldn't let himself go that far. Not right now, at least.

He stayed there until about thirty minutes before sunrise before pushing himself out of bed. Sleep had been just on the edge of his periphery, perhaps he even nodded off a few times, but he was up now.

After scrubbing at his eyes hard and handling his business, he very quietly padded down the hall to check on Poe. Perhaps then he'd stop overthinking all of this.

Once he did spot Poe, though, he stopped and stared just like he told himself not to do. After a moment, he stepped over to drift a hand through Poe's hair, intending to say something but the words wouldn't come. There was nothing he could say anymore. Even if Poe was awake and wanted to hear-

Finn was out of the unit before he could finish that thought.

For all that he wanted to stay at Poe's side and truly smother him with his presence, Finn stayed out for a couple of hours. Long enough until his whole body ached and he realized that there was no way he could run away from everything he felt right now. It was just there, clinging on in a way that was much worse compared to after Poe left. But he's back now, so... didn't really matter.

A hand scratching at his scalp, Finn quietly walked back into the unit, poking his head around the corner to get a look at the couch again.

[flightforfreedom]

When he came back, Poe was yawning and stretching - making a very good, unknowing, impression of a cat. He blinked at looked up when he heard the sound of light footsteps, head poking up over the back of the couch before a smile broke over his face.

"Oh, hey. Did I sleep in? Did I miss something?"

[hatejakku]

Finn smiled back, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. Poe was here and happy. That's all he really needed.

"No and no," he answered, taking a step over to kiss Poe on top of the head before moving away again. He should shower, right? Give him time alone to reassess and come back out a better person for Poe to be around. "I just like taking early morning runs... You hungry? I can make breakfast."

Or maybe he could be alone with his thoughts another time.

[flightforfreedom]

The forehead kiss was enough to remind him of what had all happened the night before, and Poe's grin turned quite a bit stupider and sappier as Finn walked away.

He sat up, leaning over the back of the couch and folding his arms up against it.

"Starving - especially if that means you're cooking." It was clearly a joke, though, as he immediately followed up with: "You need help?"

[hatejakku]

Finn moved along to the kitchen, taking out eggs and bacon, debating if he should get some pancakes going. Maybe he should. The more he was doing, the less he was thinking.

"Yeah. You can help by keeping me company," he said with a smile that should be carefree, wondering if Poe even wanted to stick around-

No, no. Focus on food. "How do you like your eggs?"

[flightforfreedom]

Poe peeled himself off the couch and padded over to join Finn in the kitchen.

"Preferably not hatching giant dragon gods," He said ruefully. "I don't know, haven't eaten a hell of a lot of them. They a big thing, here?"

[hatejakku]

Finn held his egg above the counter but froze and blinked over at Poe. "You're gonna have to tell me that story," he answered before cracking the egg over the hot skillet.

"But, uh, yeah. A lot of people eat them for breakfast here. They're a lot of protein, easy to cook, a lot of different ways to make them-" Rambling. He shrugged. "I'll make them how you liked them before, see if it carried over."

[flightforfreedom]

"I didn't tell you before? Man. Jokes on me, I guess." He slid onto one of the stools around the island, and leaned his elbows onto the counter.

"Yeah, sure. I'm pretty easy, Finn. Just put food in front of me and I'll probably eat it. Can't imagine I'd be much different before."

[hatejakku]

"You weren't," Finn answered with a laugh as he worked, getting the bacon on in the other skillet. He already messed up by not cooking the bacon first and using the same pan, but this should... be fine. He totally wasn't nervous or anything.

Anyway. "Thought I'd ask, anyway. Two years is long enough to change tastes and eating habits."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe's smile faltered a little - not disappearing, but fading.

".. Yeah, I guess." He said with a shrug, as if it didn't bother him at all. "Don't think I'm ever going to figure that all out, though, so I'm just going to try not to worry about it too much."

[hatejakku]

Finn didn't turn around to see the reaction. That said, his own smile faded a little, too.

"That's okay," he said a little more solemnly. "You don't have to worry about it here. It's not like you're a different person." Even if he wasn't certain Poe understood that yet.

Or maybe Finn was just projecting.

[flightforfreedom]

“Sure feels like I may as well be one,” he replied, frowning. But then he seemed to realize what that might imply.

“I just - you know. That’s a lot of memories to lose, that’s all.”

[hatejakku]

Finn nodded, understanding but not enough to voice as much. All he lost was 8 months, unless the Order had reconditioned him before but that was another thing. The point was, he couldn't understand exactly how Poe felt despite having been through something incredibly similar and he didn't want to imply that he did. All he wanted to do was help.

"It gets better." That, at least, he knew was true for them both. "You figure things out, get more comfortable, meet new people... It'll get better."

[flightforfreedom]

“Or, I could let everyone think I never came back and just hang out with you.” He said it wryly, and he clearly meant it as a joke. Or at least half of one.

He pulled the basket of fruit on the counter towards him and started fiddling with it.

“I’ve seen the man they’re expecting, you know? He told me about his friends. That’s a hell of a lot of people to disappoint.”

[hatejakku]

Finn can get that idea obviously. Been there, done that. He gets it. But now he's on the other end.

"They're expecting you," he answers quietly but firmly, working on their food. "That man you saw was you. Some people might introduce themselves and leave, others might never speak to you at all. But that's okay because a lot of them just miss you and want to see you. It's not their first time dealing with all this, you know.

"I know all that seems stupid and optimistic but it's true. Just takes some time to really see it."

[flightforfreedom]

"Yeah, maybe." He's fiddling with an apple, though, turning it over in his hands. He can tell it's a fruit, at least. That much is obvious.

"I'm kind of fine just hanging out with you until I figure out what the hell to do with myself, though." He spun the apple on the counter and it wobbled and fell over almost immediately. "You, at least, make complete sense to me."

[hatejakku]

That made something warm glow in Finn's chest but apprehension was there, too. He hoped it stayed that way. That Poe never saw him as something different, never thought that maybe they shouldn't know each other at all. It was an unbidden, paranoid, anxious thought, but he couldn't help but worry about the past catching up in some horrible form and backfiring.

For now, he moved one arm around Poe's back and pressed a warm kiss to his temple. "I'm completely fine with that," he muttered in his hair before making himself pull away and go back to his task. "I want you to feel comfortable here and go out there when you're ready. If you ever feel ready."

[flightforfreedom]

"I'm not a coward," He said wryly, though his voice was tempered thanks to that forehead kiss. It was hard to find very much offence in such a tender action.

"I'll be ready. I just would like to have an idea of what the hell I'm doing before I do it, for once."

Usually he had the General to tell him what he was doing next.

Not anymore.

[hatejakku]

He started plating the eggs while the bacon still sizzled away, nearly done. It was a mindless action, something he could do and think at the same time. He was so happy he was cooking during this conversation.

"As someone who's been through it, I can help, but it's different for everyone. You have to figure out the big stuff on your own. Took me months-..." But anyway, he flips the bacon around. "All you need to know is that there isn't a rule book and nothing that you must do. That doesn't make it easier, though, I know. Makes coming up with a gameplan a little harder."

[flightforfreedom]

"Pretty sure that makes it worse," He says wryly, letting the apple come to a rest and rubbing a hand through his hair instead.

"I have something I'm supposed to be doing. I was going to die for it, before you came along, and I was willing to. I'm supposed to be doing something important. Not-" He sighed and prodded the apple again, making it wobble.

"Not vacation."

[hatejakku]

"I know."

Crait and the Supremacy came to mind. Everything the Resistance lost in such a short amount of time and Poe caught right in the middle.

"When you go back, it'll be to the point you left. You're not actually gone, but... I know it feels like it. The thing is, we can't help the war effort from here, anyway. Even if we knew something that could turn the tide, we wouldn't remember when we were back. All we can do is- is wait." Not something Poe enjoyed.

Finn would have to keep him busy. He plated the bacon, too, turning off the stove and handing over Poe's serving. "Here."

[flightforfreedom]

Poe sighed, looking down at the plate. It looked delicious. Finn was amazing. And all Poe wished he could do right now was disappear and find himself possibly dying in a desert.

"Wait, huh." Mumbled to himself as he picked up the fork and started pushing things around on his plate.

"Well, at least I don't have to wait alone, right?"