lina_musebox

;poe

Sex Pollen Pre Relationship
Poe Dies Pre Relationship
Nightmare Early Relationship
Hogwarts AU Pre Relationship
Poe Almost Dies Pre Relationship
MoM AU First Night
Slightly Older Hogwarts AU
Post-TLJ
Bodyguard and Prince AU; overflow
Massage Pre Relationship
Oblivious Poe AU
Cyborg Poe AU
MoM AU Sex Pollen
FO Infiltration Sex Ring
TFLN
Soulmate Tattoo AU
Finn Marries Someone Else AU
Evil Finn AU; overflow: 1, 2
MoM AU Poe 10 Yrs Older
Vamp/Were AU
Missing for a Year/Telepathy AU
MoM AU Poe 'canon' updated
Dark Possessive AU
Married on Yavin AU
MoM AU Sexy Outfits
MoM AU Subway Sex
MoM AU with Melodies!Finn; overflow
MoM AU Photo-Op Kiss
Nearly Old Men AU
MoM AU Rule 63
Online Dating AU
MoM AU Poe Lost His In-Game Memories; overflow
Trans Poe AU
College Roommate AU
TIE Pilot/Prostitute AU
MoM AU Finn Returns from Port-Out
MoM AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Canon AU Manipulative Masturbation Machine
Shape Shifter AU; timeskip
FO Sexual Torture AU
MoM AU Finn Has a Boyfriend
Hades AU Finn Left Alone
MoM AU Apocalypse
MoM AU Poe Died in Canon
Canon AU Handjob in a Hospital (inspiration)
MoM AU Another Apocalypse
WWI Pen-Pal/Love Letters AU
Institutionalized Prostitution AU
MoM AU Body Swap
Post-TROS Victory Party

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He was starting to get scared again but Finn swallowed it down. His hand grabbed Poe's, squeezing. "It can work like that. It might be difficult but it'll be worth it. It'll be better. I'll be with you. I'll help you through every step. We can do it together."

The hope was so bright but so far away. He almost hated it, taunting him, but it gave him some bravery. "I am like you, but you aren't like this. You're kind and loving and hurt. I want to be with you. I want to help."

Poe pulled his hand free, averting his gaze, feeling queasy.

"I'm not hurt," he said, sliding out from Finn's reach and back towards the doorway. Everything was just - this was a lot, and his head was pounding, and he kept thinking of the Admiral's face, bathed in red light as a beam shot across the galaxy--

He swallowed and pulled further away.

"I am like this. I am. I'm--" He couldn't stand it, if Finn thought he was broken. He just couldn't stand it--

His hand balled tightly into a fist and then pressed hard into the doorframe. He didn't slam it. Just pressed it, and then kept pressing it until his knuckles went white.

"I'm not broken," he said finally, a real note of hurt and anger in his voice, and then before Finn could stop him, he fled. Not that there was anywhere he could really go.

"No, I- Poe." He was gone, ran off through the ship.

Finn should stay where he was, maybe go find his blaster somewhere. Poe wasn't balanced right now. They went too far into the problem. He sounded angry, was probably dangerous.

Probably a danger to himself, though. He hadn't hurt Finn, as he kept reminding himself. Staying and hiding wasn't an option.

After a second of shock, Finn stood and ran after him. "Poe, wait! I didn't say that! I didn't mean it like that."

There was no where to go. He felt completely trapped, and just fled to the engine room - the furthest point on the ship he could get from Finn in the cockpit. His head was going a million miles a minute and none of it made sense. He shouldn't have told Finn about the Admiral. He shouldn't have--

Then he heard Finn's voice following after him and he clapped his hands over his ears, shutting his eyes tightly.

He just had to - to centre himself again, that was all. Finn was having doubts and it was making him have doubts. He couldn't afford that. He couldn't.

He was slipping into a panic attack, he realised dimly. Like a voice speaking completely detached from him, off deep in his mind. He hadn't had an attack in years, not since his initial training with the Admiral. His breathing was coming fast and hard, his heart speeding along at a million miles a second--

And thus he stood there, in the engine room, hands clasped over his head.

He wasn't waiting.

But he was all too primed.

Finn stumbled to a stop outside of the engine room door. He didn't dare get much closer, not from how Poe looked. What he should do is leave him alone, let him deal with it by himself, but Finn couldn't do that. What if he hurt himself? What if he doubled down on those hurtful thoughts?

"I'm sorry. It came out wrong," he said quietly, lowering himself down to the floor to make himself seem smaller. He could still run like this, maybe. Still get a head start if Poe came for him. "You're not broken. I don't think you're broken."

But he was hurt. Broken suggested there was no coming back. Yet Poe had been the one to say it, meaning that's what Poe had thought of himself. Broken beyond repair. That's what the Admiral made him believe and it's what Poe had been dealing with this whole time.

"Poe?"

"Leave me alone, Finn." The words were a low, growled, rumbling warning, and he didn't turn to face him. Didn't trust himself too.

He should just grab him. Should just grab him right here and force himself inside of him, and fuck Finn so hard that his lungs gave up out of exhaustion. He wanted to. Even the thought of it made his cock twitch. But he didn't turn around, didn't move his hands from over his ears.

"You don't want this. That's what you were saying, right? You don't want this. You don't really want me at all, you want something else that looks like me but works like how everyone else does. Someone--" Whole? "-- normal."

Finn backed away slowly with the warning but made it hardly two steps before stopping. He was trembling again and had to squeeze his fists to stop it. It had been years since he was this scared, long before his defection from the Order. He felt small, helpless.

A deep breath, a swallow- "I want you," he said slowly, quietly, keeping his voice calm and measured. "I want you to be okay. And if you're not okay, I want to help. If it's just me and you in this, then I want to help."

He could barely help himself.

"I'm. Fine." His voice was tight, fingers curling hard, dragging through his own hair and across his scalp.

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just know what I need. There's nothing to help!" His hands finally came down and he turned on a dime, rounding on Finn. But he didn't approach. All the frustration and anger and - and lust - all of it curled tightly in his muscles and wound him up, waiting to pounce. But he didn't.

He shook with restraint, but he didn't pounce.

No matter how much he wanted to.

"You can't fix me, Finn! And if that's all you want out of this--"

No, he could fix him. He could. He knew he could.

Finn shook his head. "I want you. I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy. I love you." Not that any of it was news to Poe. He tensed, ready to run.

He felt the heat behind his eyes for only a second before the tears were welling there.

He'd known it, of course. Just like he'd known with the Admiral. Of course Finn loved him. Of course the Admiral had. Nothing they shared would have happened, otherwise.

He hadn't realised until that moment what a difference hearing it would make.

He was almost shaking with rage, his fists balling at his sides. "If you don't want it to happen again, Finn. You need to leave. Right now."

He saw the tears, heard the warning. It was so much progress that he wondered if he could push it further. If he stood his ground, he knew Poe could control himself. He knew that he wouldn't have been warned if Poe didn't actually care.

But he really, really didn't want it to happen again.

There was a second's worth of delay before the fear won out and Finn ran. He hated leaving Poe behind with those demons but he couldn't let himself get hurt like this again. So he ran back to his bunk, locked the door, and grabbed his blaster. Double checking it was still set to stun, he sat on the floor with his back to the bunk he hadn't slept in since that night and watched the door.

He could feel tears in his own eyes and ignored them.

Nothing came.

Poe didn't even move, just sunk bodily for the floor. Then, when he was sure he was alone and that Finn couldn't hear him, he cried. He cried for a while. Angrily and without feeling any satisfaction for it whatsoever.

Eventually, he went to his own bunk, closed the door, locked it, and passed out.

He didn't understand what he was feeling or what was happening, but he knew something was wrong. It was just taking an awful long time for him to work through it. In the end, he gave up, and let sleep take him.

In Finn's sleep, however, Poe wasn't so kind.

The dream was almost identical to the real world. The door was closed, the blaster was in Finn's hand. Then there was a pounding on the door.

"Finn. Finn. You can't hide from me forever. You can't hide from the truth forever!"

Again, as much as he didn't want to, Finn had fallen asleep. His dream was even more terrifying than reality, though, and he fumbled with the blaster, but couldn't set it to stun. It was set to kill only, no stun option. He'd have to kill Poe to get away from him.

Swallowing his fear, he tried to reply in a strong, sure voice. "I'm armed, Poe! Don't try anything, please. I don't want this! You know I don't want this!"

Though the door still showed as being locked, he knew it probably wasn't. Nothing was closed tight enough to keep Poe away from him.

"Stop lying to me!" Poe roared through the door. There was another few seconds of banging, and then deathly, still, silence.

In the nature of dreams, the door never opened. Poe's voice just came from somewhere on the other side of the room.

"You want this more than anything.

Finn turned quickly, his back hitting the wall. He didn't know how Poe got in, didn't dwell on it. It didn't matter. All Finn knew was that he was locked in here with him.

He raised the blaster as if to actually shoot him, fear surging through him. "I don't. Poe, I know you're not like this. You're not thinking straight. You know I don't want this. I don't want to do this."

If he shot Poe, he'd kill him. His hand tightened on the blaster.

"You still haven't figured it out yet, have you," Poe sneered, stepping into the light. He was wearing the jacket that he had been when Finn first met him, the cream shirt beneath it half torn open and stained with his own blood.

"This is me. You're the one who won't face reality." He stepped closer, taller than he was in real life, the shadows stretching behind him.

"This is why you want me. Because you don't deserve more than this."

Poe was right. No one else would want him after what he had been, what he'd done. Some people maybe thought they did, like Rose, but not after this mission. He didn't deserve a relationship so sweet after this.

But Finn hadn't really wanted it with her in the first place. He'd wanted Poe, had got him, and now-

He could kill Poe but he knew he wouldn't. He was too weak, wanted him too badly. Finn felt small, scared. Tears sprang to his eyes. "You said you loved me," he reminded him, words choking in his throat.

He kept approaching, and then he was close enough that he could lean forward, the tip of the blaster to his bloodied chest.

"I do love you, Finn," he murmured, his voice low and dangerous as he reached for Finn's wrist. "I love you in exactly the way you deserve."

He let Poe grab his shaking wrist, unable to shoot him. Maybe this was all he deserved but that didn't-

Finn shook his head, his anguish turning into anger. "I don't want this. You can't make me want this. I won't beg you again!" He tried to yank his wrist away, aiming to punch Poe in the face with his free arm.

He wasn't doing this. He didn't want this. He would never let himself want this again.

But nothing would be able to stop, Poe. Nothing had before.

Poe's grip on Finn's wrist was suddenly iron - tight enough and painful enough to force Finn to drop the blaster at the same moment that Poe caught his other fist. He slammed them both backward - pinning them to the wall behind the bunk as he climbed onto Finn's lap, grinding hard down against him.

"You can't fight the inevitable, Finn. Soon I won't even have to make you beg. You'll wake up every morning and you'll yearn for me to pin you down and have my way with you and every day I don't you won't be able to stand it."

"No, I won't! I won't, Poe! It's not happening!"

His wrists pressed hard into Poe's hands but the grip wouldn't let up. He squirmed beneath him, trying to get away, buck him off, something.

But he could also feel himself getting hard. It wasn't with nearly as much pleasure as the other times, just the knowledge that his body was betraying him again. Once he realized it was happening, that this felt good in that same sick way, he started fighting harder.

There was the snapping sound of binders being closed, and suddenly it wasn't Poe's hands pinning Finn's wrists, but restraints now secured to the wall, holding Finn's hands up above his head.

Poe smirked, pulling back so he could slide a thigh between Finn's legs and press his knee firmly to the growing bulge of Finn's crotch. "It's happening right now," he purred. "You're going to cum so hard that you'll see stars, and soon you won't be able to come at all, unless you have that hot, painful fullness of my cock buried deep in your ass. You'll stroke yourself furiously but it won't be until you picture my nails digging my name into your flesh that you'll find any release--"

Finn pulled against the sudden binder, blinking tears from his eyes. Poe was right. Poe was always right. Maybe it didn't seem like it to Finn now, but it would happen, he knew it. He knew.

It was something he didn't want but something he did. He wanted to be vulnerable to someone, to depend on someone. He wanted that with Poe. But he wanted control, too. It felt like one or the other- No, there was only one path, wasn't there? He was never in control.

His hips pressed for friction against Poe's leg, his jaw clenched tight, before he tried to kick Poe away. "I won't."

The hand whipped out shockingly fast, palm straight across Finn's cheek with a resounding slap.

"Don't kick me," he hissed, sitting heavily on Finn's knees. "Don't fight me. Unless what you really want is the fight? Is that it? You want me to kick the shit out of you, Finn, just so you feel like you really had no choice?"

Poe hadn't hurt him before, had said he didn't want to. But that wasn't the same as just not hurting him at all. And, really, it was inevitable.

He found some pride in the sting, though, knowledge tucked to his chest that he hadn't made this easy. He didn't want the fight, but he was going to give one.

"You're not giving me a choice!" he shouted, jerking around, finally more pissed than scared. "You're not giving me what I want, Poe! I don't want this! Maybe you're right, maybe I don't want you at all!"

He wanted his Poe, not this. This wasn't him, it couldn't be. It broke his heart to think this was all there was, that his Poe never really existed. This Poe couldn't do anything to hurt him more than that.

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