lina_musebox

He'll take that as a yes, and he lets go of Finn's cock to reach up and pull the shirt free from Finn's mouth, letting in dangle loosely around his neck instead. His finger was still gently moving inside him, the stroke almost a caress, now, and Poe had folded in closer against Finn's back as he lay another line of kisses across his shoulders.

"I want you so much," he whispered in a low groan. "I want to be inside you while you come..."

Instead of speaking first, like he was sure he'd do, Finn gulped in deep breaths and tried to work his jaw back into place. After a second of catching his breath, he finally spoke in a harsh, hoarse voice, "Finalizer."

A safe word wouldn't do anything except maybe make Poe angrier. He knew that before when they first spoke about it. Dishonesty, Poe would think. Disappointing. Pretending. That was the whole point of this, wasn't it? To force him to stop pretending?

There wasn't much that Finn could say, though. At least he felt numb overall and was able to talk clearly, even if he was shaking now. "I don't want this. Please."

Poe grew very still, suddenly. It was probably for the best that Finn couldn't see his face. A few seconds passed, and then his fingers slid free, his whole body pulling back and leaving cold air in his wake.

A second later, the restraints released.

When Poe finally slid into view, he looked utterly furious in a cold, hard way.

Then he turned, and without a word, left for his own bunk.

Finn shivered when Poe removed himself, then full on gasped when the restraints came undone. What was going on? What the hell was happening now? The look on Poe's face didn't reassure him any, though. Disappointed. Whatever happened next was going to be worse, he knew it.

Once Poe left and had walked far enough away, Finn clamored out of the bed to close and lock the door behind him. Would it even matter? Surely Poe could unlock it on his own. Fuck.

Fuck, he was trembling.

Swallowing it down, he redressed himself and quickly went to his bags for his blaster. He did not want to hurt Poe so Finn switched it to stun and- and just slank down the wall until he was on the floor. He needed to think.

Okay. Okay, okay. Poe wasn't well. He needed help, to see reason. But not everything was hopeless. He hadn't hurt Finn, said he hadn't even wanted to. That was- That meant something. It had to. And then there was the fact that Finn wanted it, had enjoyed it. Was the problem with him? Was he wrong for liking it or wrong for trying to push Poe away?

He stayed there and watched the door, not even sure that Poe would come back right now. It didn't really matter when he came back, though. It was just going to be worse next time.

Poe didn't come back.

He didn't even try the door, didn't even discover it was locked. Finn spent the rest of the night alone, and even when the ship switched to daytime lighting, Poe didn't reappear.

Whenever Finn reemerged, he would find Poe in the cockpit, behind the controls, his lips a thin line and dark shadows under his eyes. It didn't look like he slept.

He didn't turn his head when Finn appeared, just said in a tight, low voice: "Two hours until contact."

Finn stood back, silent and frozen.To be honest, he'd forgotten all about their mission. It felt almost pointless now.

It looked like Poe managed even less sleep than Finn. He shouldn't try to press things with him like this, it would only make things worse. But so would doing nothing. He didn't know what to make of this. It felt like a ticking time bomb.

So he swallowed and ignored the mission, feeling some confidence with the blaster tucked beneath his jacket at his back. And, really, there was only one question he had. "Why did you do it?"

He knew the answer. He had to hear it.

“Obviously I misread the situation,” he replied without looking at Finn, his voice still tight. It wasn’t even clear he believed what he was saying.

He shouldn’t have taken the gag off. Ignorance would have been better for them both.

Fucking Rose. Fucking Rose forcing him into this position—-

Needless to say, that wasn't what he expected. Could that really be it? Could it all just come down to a misunderstanding?

Finn wanted to have some small hope but he couldn't take another step forward. Not after that.

"I wanted you. You didn't have to force me. I still-" It didn't matter. He couldn't salvage them, even though he stupidly wanted to. He'd just have to weather the rest of this trip and get Poe some help when they were home, preferrably without him getting in trouble.

"Never mind," he muttered instead and began to step away. Leave him be maybe... Finn didn't know what to do.

“You wanted me to,” Poe replied bluntly. “Your body did, anyway. Unless you really think you came that hard just because.”

He finally turned in his chair, glaring up at him. “I gave you that word to stop me. And you used it first chance you got. Didn’t even wait for the cum on my hand to cool. Or me. You say you want me right after telling me you didn’t.”

He did want him to. But he shouldn't. It seemed like Finn was the only one who knew that part.

"I wanted you. Not that. I didn't want anything like that. I don't care what you think my body said." Because it wasn't really true. It couldn't be.

"Do you love me or do you want me?"

“That is me,” he replied, his voice sharp. “This is me. And if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have fucking stopped when I promised I would, would I? I wouldn’t have waited for weeks—“

He cut off, angrily, clicking his tongue.

“I love you more than any one else in the galaxy possibly could. And I’d fight every last one of them to get to you. I didn’t want it to be like this.”

Edited 2019-06-04 05:46 (UTC)

He was quiet for a moment, stunned, pulled between two totally different sides again. Finn could believe that, in his own way, Poe did love him. This was just the way he had to express it? The only way he thought he could secure them?

After a lengthy silence, Finn shook his head. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done that in the first place." That was the truth he had to hold on to. "I didn't want it to be like this either, but you made it this way. I told you what I wanted; you wouldn't listen. You think you know what's best. I know my own mind, Poe."

He did. And he was learning more about himself all the time.

It was starting to scare him.

“No. You don’t.” He hadn’t, either. Not originally. He had to be shown. “But you’ve said your piece and it’s done.”

There was a deep fear spreading through him that the anger helpfully masked. He had given Finn that little piece of freedom because he loved him, but maybe it just didn’t work that way. Maybe any freedom at all broke the whole thing.

He knew other people didn’t need what he did. But.

“I know you can’t see it. But I could, because you’re like me. I could feel it almost immediately. And it’s been so long since I met someone that—“ He cut off and then clicked his tongue, turning in his chair to face the controls again. “Forget it. I’ve stopped. We’ll see how long it takes until you beg me to do it again.”

Edited 2019-06-04 12:28 (UTC)

He wasn't making sense anymore. To be fair, Finn was starting to wonder which of them was clear headed here. Again, Poe was right. Finn didn't really know himself, that much was certain. But he was learning and that had to mean something.

"I won't," Finn said, backing away. What else could he say? "I don't work that way." He made to leave back to his bunk, still unsure what else he could do.

Poe didn’t reply.

He was done fighting about the inevitable.

The mission went about as well as it could, when the pilot barely wanted to speak at all. They secured the shipment, but discovered they were going to have to make a few more hops around the galaxy before they could go back to the base. Poe hated it. Every moment around Finn was turning into a sort of torture. He hadn’t gotten any release from their interlude, he’d been too focused on demonstrating how much pleasure he could give Finn to find any release himself.

Stupid. He was so stupid. He’d never been fully trained for this role - the Admiral had always trained him to be the subordinate - and then when Poe had turned out to be too much of a political liability, he’d been dropped like a hot potato. He could remember how he was broken with almost exquisite detail, but he didn’t know how to replicate it. He’d let his feelings get away from him, again, and because of that he’d clearly lost the man he loved. Again. He was furious with himself and he was furious with Finn for not understanding. He couldn’t be wrong, could he? Maybe Finn and him weren’t the beautifully matched pair that he envisioned. Maybe he’d just fallen so hard for Finn that he was imagining it?

No. No, that orgasm had been real. It was proof. He’d just ruined it either by rushing it or giving Finn an illusion of freedom, or both.

Damn it. Damn it.

He managed to ignore the aching need for nearly 32 hours. He barely talked in that entire time and certainly never looked at Finn - not willing to taunt himself with something he thought he’d lost. But finally during the next night cycle he broke.

His balls practically ached, heavy and sore from lack of release as he stripped down in his bunk. He lay down, closing his eyes and picturing Finn’s shuddering body as he came, and Poe’s cock instantly came to attention. He didn’t even notice how deeply he moaned when he started to stroke it.

He also didn’t notice - or chose not to notice - that the door was open a few inches.

Finn should have been enjoying the cold shoulder. He didn't have to worry about being taunted or cornered. Admittedly, he was still terrified of the other shoe dropping, of something happening out of nowhere, but nothing ever really came. Instead, Poe was just ignoring him.

It was starting to drive him crazy. Several times, he wanted so badly to reach out, try talking to him again, try to work out a way they could make this work. Poe had good intentions, didn't he? It was just the execution that had freaked Finn out, that's all. Even as he thought along those lines, he knew it was stupid. It had to be stupid, he just couldn't really see exactly how anymore.

What he would give to send a message out to Rey or Rose. But not only were they constantly in hyperspace, he wouldn't know what to even say. Then there was the problem of Poe finding out he spoke to one of them while on this mission.

In short, he still didn't know what the hell to do, but the need to do something was starting to wear him down.

During one of those debates with himself, he heard the first moan. For a moment, he didn't know what it was. It almost sounded pained, and he was on his feet to investigate before he could remember why he shouldn't. The next moan, though, made him realize exactly what was going on... but he pretended to not know. It could still be anything, certainly.

The last two times they had an encounter, Finn recalled, Poe hadn't gotten off. Promised to, touched himself with an intention to, but always left in a fury after Finn got what he needed. No, not needed. Not that second time. Still, it- He realized he hadn't heard Poe make those sounds before and why.

He wouldn't let himself face the truth of what was going on until he saw it, though. Finn had padded quietly to the door, not even breathing, when he finally caught sight of a sliver of Poe's body. His mouth went dry again, dread filling him. Had Poe planned to do this? Was it part of the whole thing? Instead of leaving like he knew he should, his breath hitched to watch Poe's hand stroke his swollen, angry cock.

Finn bit his lip, the heel of his palm pressing against his own as it stirred, willing the interest to go away. He needed to leave and resolutely not think about what their last encounter made him feel like, how he had drowned and never wanted to come up for air.

Poe’s eyes were closed tightly, his brow furrowed in an almost pained expression, his lips parted in a breathless moan. He was stroking himself, turning his wrist with a little twist at the top of every stroke, making himself shudder with need.

Fuck, but he wanted Finn. Wanted every atom in the man’s body to belong to him. He wanted to belong to Finn, too, but he didn’t dare let himself think about it. He’d been abandoned once. It wasn’t going to happen again.

The errant thought made him let out a low frustrated sound as he tried to concentrate again. Focus, Poe. Focus on how tight Finn’s body felt around your fingers, how deeply he shuddered...

Poe moaned, again, his head rolling back, his spine arching slightly as he stroked himself furiously.

Finn wanted him. And Poe had said he still wanted him, too, or something along those lines. We’ll see how long it takes until you beg me to do it again. Was he just being cruel?

Had Poe ever actually been intentionally cruel to him? He just didn't seem to understand. Miscommunication. Maybe-... Maybe if he could focus on what Poe needed, be in control of his own body, it wouldn't be like before.

... What the hell was he even thinking? Whatever Poe was offering came with strings, he could already see them. He should leave, tuck himself quietly away, and silently wait until they made it back to base. Try to get Poe some help and forget this ever happened.

Would once more even make a difference, though? It didn't have to mean anything. It could even help connect them again. Get Poe happy enough to speak to him, at least.

Biting his lip and feeling sick, Finn moved away from the slit in the door to not be seen and knocked. He wasn't going to do what Poe had done to him. He was going to try and set an example. If only his voice sounded as strong as he wanted to be right now. "Poe?"

Maybe he didn't want him anymore. That should be a happier thought.

Everything went silent after Finn spoke. Even the low constant hum of the engine somehow seemed to dim. A second passed. Two. Then there was a rustle of fabric, the sound of Poe moving around.

He was furious. He half expected Finn to be on the other side of the door, telling him to stop. Because he would. Finn was incredibly good at lying to himself about what he wanted.

When he got to the door and opened it, he was in his underwear again, the hard outline of his cock clearly visible and straining against the fabric.

“What?” He asked tightly, half ready for needing to defend himself. The admiral would never have let him masturbate, but Finn was not them. Poe could deal with himself whenever he wanted, it Finn refused to.

He jumped back from the door when it opened, not expecting confrontation like this. And now he'd made Poe angry again, too. Yet one more sign that he should just leave. He didn't want to make Poe angrier or open himself up to punishment.

The dread came back in waves but whatever happened, he could fix it. If they went too far, it would be okay. Finn balled one hand into a fist, willing himself to just get on with it.

"Do you still want me?" he asked in a wavering, uncertain voice, body tense and ready to run.

Poe narrowed his eyes half in suspicion and half in confusion. After a few seconds he seemed to decide it was a real question.

“Do you think I would suddenly not?” He asked, incredulously. “I know what I want. That hasn’t changed. But if you think you can come in here and try to take my thoughts from me—“

Yes, he absolutely thought that Poe would suddenly not. Before he could address that, though, they were off on another weird tangent.

"What? No! I don't want to take your thoughts. What are you talking about?" Even more evidence that Poe wasn't okay.

Okay. Okay, he could tell he was starting to sound a little nuts.

He rubbed his face. Fuck, he was tired.

“I just- Forget it.” Finn had clearly not understood him. “If you’re not here to stop me from thinking about you then what do you want?”

Poe was thinking about him?

Finn mentally berated himself. Of course, Poe was thinking about him. After the obsession he'd seen over the last few days, what else would he be doing? Unless he was lying, trying to manipulate Finn, trying to make him think he wanted something when he didn't.

Except. He did want this. Just once more, just to see if it could be better.

He swallowed audibly, not knowing how to put his thoughts into words, especially in a way Poe would understand. Or in a way Finn could remotely keep his pride.

"You-" He stopped, cleared his throat, and hoped Poe didn't realize that was the full answer. His hand pressed against his stomach, playing with his shirt. "I thought that if I could be the one giving you... what you needed and we ignored me, then... it wouldn't be like before." But deep down, his real intention for standing here was that he wanted to be taken, just once. He couldn't voice that like this, though. He shouldn't even think of it. "Just... I touch you and that's it."

This was stupid on so many levels. Stupid of him to ask for it and stupid of him to think Poe would want it.

Poe paused, something shifting in his expression, though his brows were still knotted.

Finn wanted to touch him. That was good, that he could admit that. That was a start. And kind of a relief, though he didn’t want to admit that to himself. He shifted his weight, but his underwear was too thin not to display the way it twitched as he thought about it.

He doubted Finn would be able to keep that boundary line, and a part of him wanted to warn him. But he ignored it.

“How do you want to touch me?” He asked instead, his voice a little deeper, a little huskier then it had been a minute ago.

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